Sunday, December 30, 2007

there she lay...

I swept the garage while waiting for her to die. Her little body twitched and twisted, and I couldn't bear to watch as she breathed her final breath.


We took her to the vet last weekend but apparently it just wasn't enough. I knew she was dying since yesterday, when her head kept flinching to the side and she refused to eat at dinner, though she still meows and looks up if one of us passes by. The rest of the litter played and romped about without a care. I took them all out of the cage and left just her inside to have some peace. Placed a piece of soft, clean rag under her, as she lay there weaker and weaker. The least I could do, I suppose.


She was laid to rest just as the sun was about to set. Abah told me to make sure to wrap her with a cloth. A burial shroud.

Monday, December 24, 2007

sharp keris, sharper words

Now this one is definitely about YOU.

Thank you for taking the time today.

I understand, and I forgive you.

Go ahead with things, k. I pray they work out well. Like I said, I'll be here if you ever need me. Just six steps away. Three of yours, and three mine (of course since my legs are shorter, my steps are smaller too lah).

My biggest regret now is unintentionally putting him between our friendship through that stupid what-if. I guess I'll just have to live with that mistake. You once wrote - Why heal in bitterness when you can heal in peace? I hope you can one day find it in your heart to be at peace with it and finally put aside that bitterness. And heal.

If you must know, the tears I've cried over the thoughts of hurting you are easily thirty times more than the ones I shed over the hurt of 'losing' him last time. There's absolutely NO contest there.

I'm always here. Six steps away. Ok?

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

like a big brother

Like the big brother that he is, he tried to make me feel good about myself, placated my insecurities, soothed my petty worry and then cheered me up with his amusing tales, like always.

I felt a bit guilty when he gets extra nice like that, because in the first place I thought he wouldn't even want to bother much about that petty thing.


Tuesday, December 18, 2007

all grown up

It was a sombre session last night.

= Then there are these women, you know, who'd get close to me simply for the sake of, well, the 'physical' stuff. I don't do that. Not anymore lah. I just can't. Not when I know they don't really love me.

+ Like as a conquest? Hmmhh. And I think you mean you wouldn't. Not that you couldn't.

= No, I don't think I could.

+ Must've been a long time since then. Out of practice.

= I think it's just, well, I've just grown up.

+ Oh yeah, maybe in THAT sense. So, would you like me to tell your parents you've grown up and give them this particular example?

We laughed our asses off.

Sunday, December 16, 2007


/start rant

Promises are meant to be broken.
Bleargh. Excuses.

But because we've never promised anybody anything, therefore we're not breaking any. So that makes it all right, I suppose. Well that's in YOUR book. Not mine.

In MY book, you're NOT supposed to do this to a friend. Regardless of whatever your excuse is. One just don't. You and your ideals. Bullshit lah. You're just like those you condemn.

If everybody gets the same dish on the menu, then that's another story. But that is SO not the case.

As I know I won't get the answer, I won't bother asking you. Not really.

Anyways, as the dynamics have been disturbed, things will never be the same again. We can pretend, of course, but at the back of it all we know that things are different now.

I hate you for doing that.
I hate you.
I hate you.

44 to you too.

Ok, now let's continue with the pretense.
I'm good at that, actually. You just don't know it yet.


Thursday, December 13, 2007

oi, hags

1. oi, hags!

We're being a bunch of macam-takde-kerja-lain hags. well, at least 50% of us.

hahahahahahahah!!!! Wicked. You guys know who you are.

In the meantime, I predict that the hags shall meet up more often than usual and more discourse sessions shall take place for next course of actions.

Hag #3

2. new interests list
  • working out towards 27% body fat
  • scuba diving (anyone know of any cheap courses available in January 08?)
  • baju kurung kedah (apparently i look taller in one)
  • leaving the office BEFORE 7pm
  • being a hag LOL

3. yoga

Tried the yoga class and found yoga to be, err, kinda boring. Sorry. Moving fast-fast-fast is more my style. Perhaps when I feel the need to calm down, then I'll go again. Till then, I'd rather run on the good-old-treadmill instead.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

1. recovery

The word we're looking at, here, is SCARLESS HEALING. Shingles blisters are supposed to heal SCARLESSLY. Supposedly, lah.

Except for Nerr ("I know from reading British books") and Biah ("a friend of mine got it too last time"), everybody else replied STD (!) when I asked them the first thing that came to mind about it. Cheis, hangguk korang. Kita nampaknya perlu lebih banyak membaca lagi, okay.

2. sweating it out

Am officially made of 31.7% fat at the moment. That's about 16kgs of layers and clumps of gooey adipose tissue. Urgh. Let's see how things are in a couple of months' time. First stage target = 29%. Ultimate target will be 27%. It's a painful and tiring journey but thanks to the pleasant view of beefcakes and hardbodies in the gym, shall trudge on week in and out.

And I've never seen a person who berpeluhs as much as Raymond, the instructor who by the time the cardio martial arts dance class ends, will always manage to spatter half the stage with his sweat and there'll be trails of it too wherever he circled the studio to check that we're doing the moves right. The best thing about his classes is that it seems to be the ones getting the least attendees so there's more space to move around. He commented "Here the studio is big but not many people come for my class, tak tahu kenapa". I did some asking around and apparently they shy away because his classes are 'too intense' and 'belum larat'. Well, their loss are my gain! I simply love his Powerfit classes - never thought you could do fun music routines with weight bars before. This week I was pleasantly surprised when Raymond stopped me from taking the weight disks off after the biceps round and said it's time for me to go for double all the way instead of the usual single disk. So I did (mesti la, mau tunjuk macho woo), and was again surprised that I didn't find them as hard as I thought it was gonna be. Look, Ma, I'm building muscles!

3. emo emo emo

During our impromptu dinner at Chili's (they must've regretted the day bottomless tostados chips was introduced to the menu - we had FOUR refills), Jaja and Kekure commented, "Ted, apsal blog ko sekarang asyik cerita emo je? Bosan ok"

Ah well, once in while everybody should be entitled to some emo time. Ok what. It's in the package of being a Piscean - we're stable and low-key most of the time, but once in a while when the emotions kick in, it'll be a tidal wave and there's no holding back! But afterwards the calm will set in again, no worries. Until the next time lah. Ahaha.

4. closing on with matters of the heart

When it comes to this, practicality, logic, reason and common sense will compete with each other, entwine themselves and become engulfed with that thing by which we go by the name of feelings. Of which there are no set or by-the-book guides, no benchmark standards, no hard rules, no universally-accepted boundaries but the ones that we impose on ourselves.

Until the episode of Mr. E, I've not known the depths by which I could, and would, go through with. And of what I'm capable of in terms of dealing with situations in the most altruistic sense.

I didn't believe in a lot of silly things regarding love before.
About being blind, about being crazy, about pushing the limits, about letting it all go, about priorities, about losing your head, about sacrifice, about the happiness and the hurt, about the acceptance.

I do now.

There are no regrets here.
If only I could tell him how much he had taught me.
If only I could let him know that weird as it may sound, I am still thankful.
For the chance to discover myself.

I think I shall try to be even more reckless in the future.

Friday, November 30, 2007

and you thought you couldn't get...

I've been told by my doctor that I may have gotten something that I've only heard of before and never even knew what it really is. Of course I'd think "hey... can't be lah... no lah.." as the doctor told me two other possibilities of what it might be, and prescribed me initial meds for all three. I even felt like I was in the first half of an episode of House when the team start peppering the board, comparing the list of symptoms against what they know.

So like any other normal person would do, looked it up on the Internet today. And I feel so fucked up while reading up on the symptoms as they fit more and more and BANG! One very particular definitive characteristic hit me right there! Why didn't she tell me about THAT particular characteristic, which would define a specific condition that I might have clearly from the other two?

Gaw. I can now imagine how much more fucked up someone would feel like if you're told that you might have AIDS or cancer.

Rest assured, I'm not gonna die from it. Hopefully. Reading further, I don't fit the profile of people likely to develop more complications than the current situation. Hopefully I went to the doctor soon enough and that the meds are doing their job now. Oh please, God.

But I was truly fucked up and horrified for the 20 minutes of the initial reading and finding out that the symptoms fit. Seriously.

I bet YOU don't really know what herpes zoster is, either.
Yes. I can bet you're horrified too now.

Go on, don't be shy. Read it up. Trust me, it CAN hit you too.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007


I’m sorry that the birthday celebration didn't happen.

I’m sorry that a friend was hurt.

But still, I’m not sorry for the first time the three of us had coffee and we became friends.

Nor am I sorry for all the silly things that was said, the songs that was sung, the jokes shared, the stories told.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

His story

He told me his story.

How bowed himself down and took all the blame on his shoulders for ALL the trouble.

And how he wanted, needed, wished, to hear them say that they're sorry for what they did to him as well, that they realize that he was hurt too. That although he had hurt others, part of the reason he did what he did was because of how HE was treated in the first place. By them.

Which is what he didn't get. Sorry is a word which were never offered to him, not once; not directly nor in passing.

How he felt nobody tries to understand his feelings. Or even bothered to know how he feels.

And I couldn't help it. I cried.
Looking at the hurt and pain so obvious in his eyes.

He was baffled when he realized there were tears in my own eyes.

- "Hey, why the hell are you crying ?"



- "Did you realize, including today, this is the second time you are involved in some of the most significant steps that I took in my life?"
+ "Haha, is it?"

He named them.

+ "Eh ya lah, ah well, glad to be part of it"

He said he needed an ally. To pour it out. Also for advice.

I told him he could always talk to me about things.
To listen, that much I can assure him I could do well. But for advice?


+"You wanna know why I cried just now?"
- "Why?"
+ "Coz it's so sad. And I think I know exactly how you feel"

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

the thing that matters

When a good friend is facing issues at the home front, all the previous petty concerns vanishes in comparison.

My dearest, I hope everything will be ok for ya.

*hugs and kisses*


Sorry is still owed for the emotional lash.

Everybody has a right to feel what they feel. Including you. And me too. I know that now.

But it's SO not worth it to have a purely selfish moment at the cost of jeopardizing what's been good. I'm so not cut up for that.

Thank you for hearing me out, for having me, for everything.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

mission accomplished!


It took me NINE MONTHS to lose that 11.6 kgs and reach my goal of 50kgs :)
The journey has been long, but seriously I won't say it's been too hard-lah. Chewah. But yeah, seriously. I got moral support, lots of it. I got a gang of friends and close family members who are on a losing weight track too. I was (and am!) still able to enjoy delicious food all the way. The shakes are delicious. It was a fast ride in the beginning, then slowed a bit, up and down back a bit, plateaued for about 3 months there before getting back into the groove to the finishing line.

So what's NEXT?

Of course there's a next. I can't just stop there. This is a healthier lifestyle change, not a fad or a crash diet thingy. Where got crash diet for NINE MONTHS maaa.

So the game plan is -
  • First, to maintain the weight loss during Raya festivities. Wish me luck. Going to need LOTS of it!
  • Second, to exercise more!
  • Third, to lose another 5kgs in order to reach 45kg. The last time I weighed that was wayyyy back in 2003 when I first started working with the current company.
Oh gosh, it's still a long way to go but it's gonna worth it in so many ways, baby!

Thanks for those who's been in my network of support... when I have time I'll list you all, hehe.

P.S - I bought a new pair of jeans to celebrate this afternoon. Low rise, ripped waist. Feh.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Decode this

After the announcement of company raya bonus -

Me :B...Apa lagi…jom cepat beratur!! Mintak duit raya from pakcik!!

J: Sempena Bulan Baik Hari Baik ni… all I can say is No.44.

B : And my only answer to that is … “Yes Please 82“ Wakakakakaka.. ROTFL

J: B...This 85 is so old. But I’m willing to look 87. As it is my pocket will be 97 by end of month. Worst off I may have to sell my 90!!! Hahaha… any takers? No 82s pls, only 38 ok, 69 (the best) or 76s wearing 74 pun ok la, but surely kalau dapat 64, pakcik kaya!!! Menang loteri aku! With that does not mean that I’m a 59, far from it but consider as a 47 stand la ek. I hv no 48, so 44!! No 32 & 33 from u all. And don’t be 23ed la, its only me in my 28 time, thinking, with my mind 9. If u wanna, I can do 42? Anyway…. 48 to say, but I’m not going to be 54 & succumb to you guys punya request for 50!!!


The clue to deciphering the codespeak :

Sunday, September 23, 2007

in support of the local book industry

(L - Shahril Nizam, R - Amir Muhammad)

[Hi there. Will you buy our books?
What? You want a plastic bag? Oh, sorry, we're conserving the environment.
I guess you'd have to put your purchase in that turtle-choking, non-biodegradable plastic bag you already got for your groceries then.
Or just carry it lah, free publicity summore for us what...]

[This is the first edition ok. Hot off the press. September 2007, see?
Throw in another RM5 and we'll even sign it!]

[The purple book? Re-printed in its original 1970's form you know. Buy la.
Why two different covers for If Only? Couldn't decide la which one to choose and decided to be tamak instead and printed in both. Now let the buyers have the dilemma to choose..


Ok. I was just kidding about the RM5 signing charge.

Venue :
Amcorp Mall, PJ

Bought :
Two (2) copies of Malaysian Politicians Say The Darndest Things (MPSTDT)
Two (2) copies of If Only
One (1) copy of Where Monsoons Meet

(Grand Total : 5)

....thus putting me in Shahril's list of Notable Buyers hahaha!

Link : Amir Muhammad
(Compiler : MPSTDT)

Link : Shahril Nizam
(Illustrator : MPSTDT)
(Author/Illustrator : If Only)

Sunday, September 16, 2007

time flies

1. Puasa

Look at the date. It's already 4th of Ramadhan.. Selamat Berpuasa to all my muslim friends. As my standard reply to whose who texted me their wishes in welcoming the month where blessings abound, where refrains and restrains are the order of the day - May Ramadhan bestows its many blessings upon us all, and may it brings barakah for everybody.

Already guilty of going shopping for baju raya. Tee hee. In plural.

2. Aqif

Dear, dear sweet Aqif, my one and only (so naturally he's the 'favorite' haha) nephew, turned 2 today. We wanted to get him a bicycle this morning, but news of the passing of a relative cut the shopping trip short and we only managed to get him this year's baju raya (maroon, which he proclaimed "Cantik!!" and refused to take it off for about half an hour after we put it on him for size). He just started to string words now making simple sentences - "Nak fish", "Tutup cepat", "Wan mana?", "Ni atok". Every moment is such a delight with the little guy. Dad is so proud of the fact that Aqif enjoyed the kebun and has in fact been 'fishing' at the pond - he imagined he'd only be taking Aqif for fishing trips when he's about 5 or so - and there he is busy at the pond, feeding the fish and hungrily eating those that Dad caught before he's barely two! Mamita cherishes the day he finally says her name and the way he'd always prefer to sit with her in the car, and the way he puts his head on her shoulder when she carries him. God he's so lovable!

3. The hat says ...

If one thing's for sure, what the charts say about Taurus-Scorpio pairings are so true. I've not really paid much attention to the star signs and whatnots before, mostly because I hate the way they describe my own star sign. But for this case I just have to make an exception. We (me & B) were so surprised at how the way Taurus-Scorpio relationships were described in one of those zodiac sites, which very much mirrored their ups and downs these past few months. If there's ever a more erratic friendship than the one between these two, I don't think I've seen it yet.

I sure wish things will work out for the best of everyone. Yeah, it's that serious.
But I'm keeping the faith.

Communication (or rather, the lack or refusal to it) can be such a killer!

Update as at 17th Sept - They're quite ok again now... my job is done then. Phew!

4. Current song

Menghapus Jejakmu

Terus melangkah melupakanmu
Belah hati perhatikan sikapmu
Jalan pikiranmu buatku ragu
Tak mungkin ini tetap bertahan

Perlahan mimpi terasa mengganggu
Kucoba untuk terus menjauh
Perlahan hatiku terbelenggu
Kucoba untuk lanjutkan itu

Engkau bukanlah segalaku
Bukan tempat tuk hentikan langkahku
Usai sudah semua berlalu
Biar hujan menghapus jejakmu

- Peterpan, 2007

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

the reason

That gesture. To have exactly THAT.

..would be the main reason for me to want to get married one day.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

big girl


I need me time.

Being all grown up can be so tiring sometimes.

Sunday, August 12, 2007


Inilah perkara yang menjadi hantu atas meja aku sekarang :


BORANG JKR 203A (Semakan 10/83)

Berpinar biji mata okey semak draf kontrak.

Lagi cepat aku siapkan lagi bagus.

Sekian luahan hati saya hari ini, terima kasih daun keladi.

Kita jumpa di Pulau Perhentian bulan depan kalau ada rezeki.


Thursday, July 26, 2007

but of course I'm..

...reading the latest Harry Portetts now (tq Elf!)

AND I'm gonna go..

watch this later!


Note to self :

1. ERL transit leaves KLIA every 22nd and 52nd minutes past the hour.

2. For Putrajaya station, every 20th and 50th minutes


Notes on life :

1. Don't check every 25 minutes to see if it still got a pulse. It's dead, k. Dead.

2. Yay (!) me for refraining from doing something related to above yesterday, finally!

3. Yay (!!) me for still being happy and making things move at the office.

4. Yay (!!!) me for going on that holiday! But eurgh(!) me for bringing some workstuff along, and yay me again for not touching it.

Sunday, July 15, 2007


1. I told Saf's daughter, little Ariana, that you're allowed to be a little bit crazy at the dusun. We cycled on the uneven dusun grounds and fed the talapia fish in the stream. I had too much durian I was sweating the stuff by the time we packed to go home.

2. Saf thought Mamita is not even 50 yet. Wee-hoo.

3. *Mr. Saturday's mom SMSed Mamita saying that he's apparently taking a 'breather' at the moment, and "tak menjadilah rancangan kita". Hehehehe.

4. I watched six episodes of the TV3 series Emil Emilda back-to-back on Youtube today. It IS funny. Will resume next weekend when we got back from the **holiday.

5. Went to Muallaf's rough-cut (thanks Kak Min!) screening on Friday. What can I say... this time it's all out the heavy stuff. I liked it. And again the audience will be left to make up their own assumptions on what happens NEXT. Nobody feeding you "in the end A and B get married and live happily ever after" or "at last X died and Y is avenged, now Z can live in peace". Sort of mirroring life... the movie ends and the credits roll, but the story that was told, they're not finished as yet.


* Mamita and his mom tried to match-make us several weeks back. A case of the parental units with all the good intentions. I would've just asked him straight, "hey dude, are you being dragged into this unwillingly?" to save the trouble if not for the parents of both sides being around. Anyways the guy barely spoke like five sentences to me, heh, so point well taken lah kan. Dude's been married once (no kids), btw, so probly still nursing the after-effects.

** Need to pack. Don't know what I'm gonna bring over yet, but I already know what I'm gonna bring back home - LOTS AND LOTS OF CDS!!!


Just because. The song's on loop in my head right now.

Love Buzz (Nirvana)
(watch video here)

Would you believe me when I tell you

You're the queen of my heart
Please don't deceive me when I hurt you
Just ain't the way it seems

Can you feel my love buzz?
Can you feel my love buzz?
Can you feel my love buzz?
can you feel my love buzz?

Would you believe me when I do you
You're the queen of my heart
Please don't deceive me when I hurt you
Just ain't the way it seems

Can you feel my love buzz?
Can you feel my love buzz?
Can you feel my love buzz?
Can you feel my love buzz?

And this is the original version, ekcerli.

Love Buzz (Shocking Blue)
(listen to song here : be warned though, I think it's kinda not-very-best)

Would you believe me when I tell you
Your are the king of my dreams
please don't deceive me when I hurt you
It just ain't the way it seems

Can't you hear my love buzz?
Can't you hear my love buzz?
Can't you hear my love buzz?

I need you like a desert needs rain
I would rather like to die
Darling I hurt when I do not see you
So spread your wings and fly

Can't you hear my love buzz?

Can't you hear my love buzz?
Can't you hear my love buzz?

Sunday, July 08, 2007


The highlight of my 070707 was......

Watching Pyanhabib read poetry at the MASKARA 2 event. He totally rocked! Now that's poetry reading as it's supposed to be. From the heart, man.

P.S Dgn tidak malunya (dan kerana orang lain macam malu-malu je nak ambik) I finished nearly half container of the Domino's BBQ chicken wings that was available during intermission. Sedap hingga menjilat jari sungguh makanan free tersebut hehe. Kesian mi goreng.

P.P.S Maskara is a low-key (for now lah) and fun thing, I'll definitely go again.

Friday, June 29, 2007

kata nasihat / mort plans

I heart you ols for ur nasihats. Like tiger balm, ok.

[Above pix only serves to make this post seems longer than it actually is]


I think last night I may have freaked out Biah a bit by telling her how I would break the news to our big boss IF I got a terminal illness and there's only, say, 6-8 months for me to live. And I was contemplating whether that would be enough time for me to settle everything at the office so it wouldn't be too much trouble for whomever that's going to take my place (think so) . Also whether my existing financial commitments would be a burden later to the family (nope, all will be taken care of).

"Everybody's gonna die one day. It's a fact. I'm just being practical"

"Yeah, but people don't go around planning how to break the news to their boss like that!"
"It's just a what-if la. At least I'll be prepared IF it does happen like that"
"I hate what-if situations"
"You're gonna be so freaked out kan if I die tomorrow"
"Heck I'm freaked out already"
"Ala, like I said, I'm just being practical about it"
"You definitely need a new life"


I love long conversations. Period.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

suka ke? / al-Nafourah threesome

1. Suka ke?

Malam semalam, lepas sesi threesome dinner* kitorang, J tanya aku dgn Biah :

"Cuba cakap, honestly, korang suka ke kerja korang?"

Kerja aku turut melibatkan perkara-perkara ni :

Well mestilah banyak lagi benda lain dalam kerja aku tu kan, takdela berjalannnnnnnn je... Macam-macam benda yang perlu dibuat. Kadang-kadang beban kerja tu buat aku rasa macam nak gila pun ada. Balik pukul ntah berapa, dah tak macam orang normal. Paperwork banyak taktau nak cakap cemana dah. Tapi bila stress or whatever, aku akan fokus dan fikir pada benda-benda yang positif seperti di atas. Haha.

Kalau diperhati antara nama-nama fail projek XXXX dalam bilik aku.

Projek Pulau Tuba, Langkawi
Projek Pulau Banggi, Sabah
Projek Kg Org Asli RPS Dala, Perak
Projek Pulau Ketam
Projek Kg Org Asli Negeri Pahang (Fasa I)
Projek Fasa I & Fasa II Sabah
Projek Pulau Kapas
Projek Pulau Perhentian

Itu yang dalam bilik. Dalam bilik fail, ada lagi.

So berbalik kepada pertanyaan di atas, dah tentu la aku boleh jawab dengan tulus ikhlas dan jujur :

"Hell of course!!"

Biah? Jawapan sama dengan aku. Kitorang sama-sama suka kerja kitorang. Setakat ni lah. Dalam ada perkara-perkara yang mungkin tak berapa best, perkara-perkara yang best masih ada dan masih cukup untuk mengekalkan kitorang sebagai anak-anak buah En. Lan.

Kalau saya tada suka ini kerja saya buat, suda lama saya ca-alif-but pigi itu offer lain department tau. Well, that and also several other reasons as well.


*2a. pra al-Nafourah threesome

Khamis petang :

Tiba-tiba Biah teringat, voucher untuk semi-buffet di al-Nafourah, Le Meridien yang dia menang masa cabutan bertuah the Sun Corporate Hunt tiga bulan lepas tak guna lagi. Sekali check, dah nak expired lagi tiga hari!

"Jom pegi nak?"
"Tinggal hari Jumaat dengan Sabtu ni je"
"Demm, gi esok lah camtu, lepas keje"
"Ok karang aku buat reservations"

Jumaat :

Waktu rehat makan tengahari yang panjang. A.k.a waktu untuk kaum Hawa berlalalala mengikut rentak hati. Aku dengan Biah tiba-tiba rasa nak cari air kelapa tengahari tu. Sampai Kelana Jaya kitorang berlalalala. Ada, gerai air kelapa. Sebelah minivan Daud Kuih. Tapi last-last kitorang dua-dua minum air tebu jadinya. Biasalah, ubah fikiran last minute.

"Eh, malam karang nak pegi pukul berapa?"

(typical orang Malaysia, waktu tengahari dah pikir pasal makan malam)
"Aku reserve pukul lapan setengah. Gerak kul lapan lah kut?"

Makan karipap.

"Eh, pekata ajak J join? Ok tak?"
"Tapi voucher tu untuk dua orang je"
"Dia kena bayar la. Eh kita kena bayar lagi ke completely free?"
"Ntah. Aku pun confused voucher ni, macam ada kena bayar lagi kut?"
"Demm. Kalau mahal sangat cemana?"
"Tu la, kalau mahal sangat malas aa"
"Ala kita pegi je laa"
"Haha ye la"

Sambung minum air tebu.

"J apahal ekk minggu ni?"
"Tu la, sampai En. Lan pun kata dia bad mood."
"Oh yeh"
"Aku nak tanya dia pasal event tu tak berani, suruh En. Lan yang tanya"

"Period kut haha. Takpela nanti ko cuba tanya kalau dia nak join"
"Ok. Karang lah"

Balik ofis. Sambung kerja. Biah pegi discussion. Aku check email, baru terima info dari Klang untuk report Pulau Ketam. Buat amendment macam En. Zul suruh. Ralit.

Teringat. Hantar SMS kat Biah.

[4.52 pm - Eh ko dah tanya mamat esmo tu tak to join us tonite?]

[4.53 pm - Ko tanya lah. Aku bz]

Sambung buat report dulu. Ralit lagi.

5.15 petang. Naik tingkat 19 nak mengadap En. Zul, bayar 'hutang'. Dia tak ada dalam biliknya. Aku letak report tu atas meja, tulis nota di Post-It-Notes kuning untuk explain beberapa perkara.

Toleh kiri. Balik dinding kaca bilik En. Zul - eh, si J. Aisey, belum tanya lagi!
Aku lambai-lambai dari dalam. Cuma pandangan dari sisi yang aku dapat, dengan muka tension.
Aku keluar dari bilik En. Zul.

"What are you doing tonite?"
"Kitorang nak dinner kat Le Meridien. Jom?"
"Ada apa?"
"Biah nak tunaikan voucher buffet yang dia menang haritu"
"Kalau voucher, mesti dua orang je.."
"Ala voucher untuk semi-buffet. Main course kitorang kena bayar jugak rasanya. Jom la"
"Ajak, lima minit sebelum bertolak, baik tak payah"

"La.. kitorang nak pegi malam la... bukan sekarang"
"Takpela tak payah"
"Hm. Ok then"

Feh. Time orang tengah moody gitu, takyah la cakap lebih-lebih.

6.20 petang. Biah baru habis discussion kat atas.

"Nak pegi pukul berapa ni? J nak join tak?"
"Dia kata, aku quote, lima minit lagi nak bertolak baik tak payah ajak"
"Apsal lak tu?"
"Ntah, aku tak berani tanya lebih"
"Oh... kalau dia biasa dah nak turun makan baru call bagitau kita takpe"
"Tu la pasal"
"Meh aku call dia"
"Ko call la, haha, cuba"

Biah angkat gagang telefon, dail extension internal 4 angka.
Ajak lagi. Explain : Dah nak expired, terlupa pun, jom la, it's Friday.

"Ok, jadi. Dia suruh tunggu dia siap kerja"
"Ok? Haha ye ke tu?"
"Ye la kut. Eh aku reserve untuk dua orang, kena call balik"

Dail lagi. Settle.

7.55 malam. Call mamat esmo.

"Jom turun. Kitorang tunggu dalam kereta, kat lobby, entrance tepi"
"Ok, give me 10 minutes to freshen-up".

Aku dengan Biah bantai gelak gila-gila. Freshen-up?

8.15 malam. Mamat esmo muncul, lengan baju berlipat ke siku. Muka masih separa tension.

"Out. I'm driving"
"Sure? Ler, kata letih kerja, relax la kat belakang"
"No. I'm driving"

Time macam tu, aku malas nak cakap banyak. Bagi aje la.

*2b. the dinner

Kata official site :

"The opulent Al Nafourah is a contemporary Arabian oasis with all the mystique of the Middle East at its most exotic. Private silken dinner tents, Moorish arches, ornate paintings, and richly woven carpets lend an enchanting ambience, scented with spices. After a feast of Lebanese cuisine, diners can enjoy intriguing belly dancing performances or draw flavoured tobacco from bubbling hookahs on the terrace by the pool."

Cuisine: Middle Eastern
Hours: Lunch 12:00 PM - 3:00 PM; Dinner 6:30 PM - 11:00 PM
Atmosphere: Contemporary

Al-Nafourah@ Le Meridien - Ala Arab-style restaurant, obviuosly (duh!). Duduk je terus dapat jus kurma dalam gelas comel. Lagu padang pasir berkumandang, ada satu lagu ni dia ulang berapa kali ucapan "assalamualaikum", penat aku dengan Biah nak menjawabnya. Siap ada belly dancer ok! Perut flat macam padang pasir, pergh, jeles aku tengok.

Konsep semi-buffet rupanya macam ni, appetizer dan dessert dihidang style buffet, ambik la apa yang kita nak, tapi untuk main course kita kena order salah satu dari pilihan yang ada dalam menu. Harga semi-buffet dinner di al-Nafourah - RM108++. Mak ai. Nasib baik la voucher tu memang untuk makan percuma sepenuhnya.

Ada sup lentil dengan roti Arab, tabbouleh (salad tradisional Arab), cheesecake, umm amr (puding roti dengan kacang dalam susu), chocolate panacotta, kambing bakar, baklava, meatlof gulung, macam-macam lagi appetizer dan dessert selection dia. Boleh la. Ada aku ambik satu dish ni, description dia 'crumbled bread with almond', sekali rasa, masin dan penuh rasa minyak zaitun, tak jadi nak makan semua. Untuk main course pulak pilih antara hidangan ayam, daging, seafood, kambing. Masa tu dah nak kenyang makan buffet, semua tak habis makan main course masing-masing. Sayang pulak.

Highlight utama dah tentu sembang-sembang dan gossip session. Apa lagi. Pasal orang-orang dan peristiwa kat tempat kerja.

"Nasib baik la korang tak masuk final list untuk transfer"
"Nama korang naik mula-mula tu"

Aku dengan Biah bulatkan biji mata. Iye ke.

"Nama aku pulak kena struck off awal-awal lagi"
"Tapi kau teringin nak masuk sana kan?"
"Memang la. Tapi nak buat cemana, sah-sah bos tak nak lepaskan"

Hoh. Camtu ceritanya. Patut la member bad mood seminggu.

"Ooo itu ke yang kau tension sangat tu" Biah.
"Lebih kurang la... pastu ada la lagi benda-benda lain jugak."
"Ye ke" Aku.
"Hell week. Nak makan pun tak sempat"
"Kitorang pun macam-macam hal gak, tapi sempat lagi nak makan" Biah.
"Cuba teka lunch kitorang makan apa. You'll never guess" Aku.
"Nanti aku tunjuk kat korang my lunch today"
"Ala...jgn la camtu" Biah.
"My lunch, which is still sitting there, in my room, UNEATEN"

Patut la makan macam... err macam agak lapar.

Sambung lagi pasal hal-hal berkaitan.

"Kalau retire nanti, kita semua dapat retirement benefit trust fund tak?" Aku.
"Semua dapat la kan. Macam mana kira eh?"
"Ada formula. Sapa kerja dari zaman dulu, lagi untung. Kaya la" Aku.
"Kitorang yang baru masuk ni, dia kira lain sikit. Tolak EPF" Biah.
"Lain pulak"
"Bos-bos besar tu, umur 56 nanti, mau dapat 2 juta seh" Biah.
"Pergh, jadi OKT" Aku.
"OKT tu apa?"
"Orang Kaya Tua haha" Aku & Biah (serentak).

Agenda cerita hal-hal lain.

"So tau tak 'uvula' tu apa. Body part" Aku.
"Hahaahahah. Apa?"
"Benda yang 'dangling' (tergantung)" Biah.
"Hahahah. Aku tau"
"Hah apa dia?" Aku.
"Hahaahhahaahahhahahaah" (gelak yang boleh diprasangka)
"Eii ingat apa tu? It's pronounceable lah" Aku.
"Dia dalam mulut" Biah.
"Hahahahaah. Mulut sapa, mulut kau ke Biah?"
"Uvula tu anak tekak la dol" Aku.

Crew restoran dah mula kemas meja, tukar alas. Jeling keliling, dah tak ada pelanggan lain.

Tanya waitress.

"Cik, kitorang dah nak kena balik ke?"
"Eh takdelah"
"Restoran tutup pukul berapa?"
"Err 11 malam"

Tengok jam. Dah 11.30. Aiks, boleh dia kata tak payah balik lagi? Memang tip-top nak jaga hati pelanggan.

"I really appreciate you guys for inviting me to dinner. I needed this"
"No prob. We think so too."
"Ingatkan dah taknak join. Sampai kitorang kena jemput dua kali la"
"Hekleh, ntah apa-apa tah"
"Lain kali jangan esmo dengan kitorang"


Aku selalu count my blessings that I have friends like the ones I have.
And that I have the job that I have.
I may not get everything that I want, but still, what I have is already a lot.


Tuesday, June 19, 2007

salvaging the pieces

People do the most unexpected things, in the name of friendship.

I'm rather amazed at our efforts to make things become 'like normal' again.
It's so bull to say that we both weren't affected at all by that particular episode, but I think we're doing our best to move on.

I think we're okay now.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

muallaf's on the way

SMS beep!

Salaam. Shoot over. Nani's head shaved bald. The scene was so moving, the crew and some reporters cried. Allah is great.

Sender :
Yasmin +601XXXXXXXX
Sent : 12-June-2007


I almost kicked myself the other day for forgetting they were just starting the shoot in Ipoh at the end of May and I was around for two nights there on a work trip!

Can't wait for another of Yasmin Ahmad's work to be completed for everybody's viewing pleasure.

Monday, June 11, 2007

ah, be still beating heart.


What am I gonna do next? Be civil, of course. And try to salvage the pieces left behind, form a friendship, if that's possible. And by the way I'm not one who would usually run away scared from things like this, 'cause I know perfectly well I can handle it.


A big thanks to my friends who had been there when I needed you guys the most. *Big hugs*

This is dedicated to YOU :
What would you think if I sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not o sing out of key

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

What do I do when my love is away
Does it worry you to be alone?
How do I feel by the end of the day
Are you sad because you're on your own

No, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

- With A Little Help From My Friends, The Beatles, 1967

Sunday, May 27, 2007

run, Ted, run

Last week did at least 2km for several sessions. Jacked the old ticker rate up to a racing 171/minute. Boy, that felt good. Compensating for having been careening off the course lately with the Diet, courtesy of those mamak breakfast sessions and Chili's/TGIF/Rahsia lunches and dinners.


I used to run a lot. Physically, that is. Competing, even. Love the rush of adrenaline. The building of momentum, of getting in the pace, from start to finish. The do-or-die moments when the end is near. The giddy euphoria of reaching the red tape at the finishing line.

Run, and run, and run.
My timing mantra : "1,2, buckle my shoe" rhyme.
Left-right, left-right.
Rubber soles pounding on the ground. Stadium track. Tar. Concrete slabs. Grass. Treadmill.

Occasionally I still do it these days. But very, very much less and only as a once-in-a-blue-moon session except last week. Competing? Sorry beb. Very the busy-bee. An hour on the treadmill is considered a luxury already.

In a previous life (like during the Paleolithic era) I finished a KL Towerthon in 26 minutes and 29 seconds. Came out a surprised champion in the school cross-country competition. Snagged gold for 1,500m and 800m track events. Held the starting baton for our 4x100m team. Took on the challenge of the local half-marathon.

Gosh, I want to be able to run like that again.

Spiked shoes!!

Saturday, May 26, 2007

counting the days

7 days to go.

pix source

Can't wait. Really need to get away from the o f f i c e in more ways than one. Ahem.

Don't be jeles, ek.

Admittedly, it's for a work-related event on Monday, but if everything goes well I'm gonna arrive on Saturday morning and treat myself to a nice H O L I D A Y first. Heck, I think I'm gonna treat the whole trip as a holiday as I'm only attending as a guest, supposedly.


P.S - By the way, I've decided I'm gonna stay put at the 16th floor instead. For the time being, that is.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

should Ted go...





But whichever way it's going to be (and depending on the powers-that-be), seems like I'm most definitely going to leave the 16th floor by the end of August.

Both looks promising in their own special ways and both sides look set to entice me the best way they could. Promotion, check-check. Travelling possibilities, double check-check. Environment, check-uhm. Colleagues, uhm-check. Going-up factor, check-check. Office politics, uhm-uhm. Learning curve and enjoyment factor, check-check.

And I'm still contemplating, long and hard.
Exploring all the possibilities, which will be up to me afterwards to actually realize 'em.

Options, options.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

grunge still ain't dead

[Nirvana doing 'Seasons In The Sun']

I honestly thought that grunge music is but another forgotten track in the annals of history already, put on shelves, best-by date past due, fit for archives and is only to be reminisced by those who had been there during its time. Whoever sings like this anymore?
We don't have to breed.
We can plant a house.
We can build a tree.
I don't even care.
We could have all three.

- Nirvana, Breed

Well apparently there's still new fans tuning in to this particular strain, as I listened in amazement at the fresh-faced 20-yr old I talked to last night whom professes his love for "grunge, Nirvana and also other underground music".

grunge - I've not even heard anybody say that word, for, dunno. Some time lah. But it's not something I'd expected to hear about anymore.

Here's one to Kurt Cobain, RIP.

Perhaps I'm just getting old. Haha.

In the meantime -
I'm on warm milk and laxatives
Cherry-flavored antacids
Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
Distill the life that's inside of me

- Nirvana, Pennyroyal Tea

clueless and barriers

It's ok for me when it's Biah, who has known me for quite some time now and to whom I've opened up to unashamedly, with whom I've shared a lot and had shared back with me no less, who had re-discovered our long-lost (haha so drama) friendship back during #ujiminda craze in MiRC, whom I've let in to see me in some of my despair moments and witnessed my outbursts, had seen me cry and push people away, had laughed with me silly and hard over the smallest things - when she's able to read me like an open book and tell me things about me that is so right and so true and I've known it all along but would never say out loud, it's still okay with me, coz it's Biah, and she knows, she does know a lot, she's been there, she's been with me, and it's okay that she knows. I'm damn glad she knows, and damn good of her to tell me like it is.


When it's someone who has just barely gotten to know certain sides of me, someone who I've only known in passing all these while before, and to whom I've barely even opened up to save mostly for our banters of fun and good times and laughs - when he suddenly blurted out last night at point-blank range just ONE thing about me, with the resonant so right and so true and with such ease in his words, after which I failed miserably in trying to say he's wrong. For he wasn't. And he looked so smug there, in saying it like it is and telling me as if he knows it so well too.

It unsettles me. To be read like an open book like that. And the thing is I don't think he even realized doing it.

Now I know why is there all those barriers around me all these while. Why I put them there in the first place. Why it'll be there still. Regardless of the fact that I know now some people might still see through them, though I haven't the slightest clue how.

Like, freaky gila.

Monday, April 16, 2007



WGC dah kena jual. It's now in a used car dealer lot somewhere in Ipoh, last I heard.

Bye-bye, dear WGC (never got around to name it like some people do, it's always just 'WGC'). With that Sukom '98 bumper sticker that made it instantly recognizable to my friends. Am gonna miss ya. Much memories with that one - so many places, people, events, experiences et al. The good times. The learning. The many dents and scratches (ye la, first car + novice driver, whaddya expect?). The many, ahem, dates too of course LOL. First excursions to Formula 1, theatres, movies, holidays, outstation stints.

Well, there'll be opportunities for more memories later with the next one too, I'm sure.

Anyway for this week, me no car. Me crashing at Sal's place. Me wait.

2. Ring!

One of the nicest feeling to have is the surprise, when you've been thinking of someone for some time, then to find the phone ringing with his name right there on the caller ID. Oh, woe be me, for he's off limits (or more that I'm making it to be so - people do say all's fair in love and war, right?)! But it's still nice just to know you're being thought of too. Really, really nice. Really. *smirk*

3. Grindstone

I said it once and I've said it a hundred times - I truly am in love with my WORK.
Despite the fact that sometimes (okay. MANY times) I felt like bursting at the seams, I still love it because no matter what, I know everyday that something I did - it made a difference - to other people's lives. I revel in it.

And that is the biggest and utmost reward of all.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

i'm on a diet / Jimvertisement

Biah didn't order anything save for an ice kacang during lunch yesterday.

Me (to Biah) : What? You're not eating? But I'm the one who's supposed to be on diet!

* Jim : Eh, Mak Anjang, Mak Anjang on diet ke?

Me : Ye la.. kalau gemuk nanti Pak Anjang cari lain pulak...

* muntah hijau*



* Jim - our 'newfound' buddy who suddenly seems to pop up everywhere and fits automatically into our schedules (and us into his) in the couple of weeks after the rendezvous in Genting. Previously known as a more senior colleague who strikes fear and panic whenever he calls due to the nature of his position. Calls me 'Mak Anjang' and Biah 'Mak Aji' as backlash for us calling him Pak Anjang to imply that he's old. Ok, maybe not THAT old, but old-er la. We always try to rub the fact in and he'd always pretend to not heard anything. Has carloads of nieces and nephews who must think he's the best uncle in the world for always giving in to their whims and fancies (just bought a 3-yr-old niece a Gameboy in pink, and always give away free concert & cinema preview tickets he got from work to the bigger ones).

Ok, suddenly this sounds like a Jimvertisement already.

So, any takers? Heheh.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007


(Mandom gila)

It's 7.15pm and everybody else in this wing has left. Am preparing what's needed for tomorrow's trip to the East Coast. My two best buds whom usually by this time would still be here aren't around and it's so quiet out there.

Today's been a constant flurry of phonecalls, emails and SMSes with various people as well as detailed instructions to the new clerk for project claims procedures, who by the way is quite efficient and takes directions rather well so far. Thank God for that.

Work, work, work. And work. And work. Lapan lagi. dua.. tiga.. empat....

Need something to pick me up - thinking back that today I've spent the hours worth the company's RM and my while, solved a couple of issues. Ok-lah.

Sikit hari lagi kalau loan application settle dapat la gua angkat itu kereta baru yiha.

(Tak mandom dah)

Kelantan, Terengganu, Pahang. Here I come!

Saturday, March 31, 2007

This is my March

Dear Diary,

I had a very eventful March. I'll just sum it up coz I'm super-busy.

1. Birthday lunch (oh yum Roadhouse burgers)

2. Mukhsin's release (yay!)

3. Meysa's wedding in Medan (Medan = kain batik heaven)

4. Asthma episode (sheesh)

5. the Sun Corporate Hunt (we finished TOP 5 ok!) & Genting rendezvous

6. 3-day course (back to Finance 302)

7. one v.long workday (that ended up in someone else's bed*)

8. being a drama queen with Boss thru SMS (while on said person's bed the next morning)

9. 3-day weekend (free lunch, movie with Mamita, new car test-drive)

* P.S - Auw, shush now, twas only Biah's bed.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

'Scoop' Mukhsin Press Preview

(mode : read a la gossip column in local papers kay)


[Dialog di atas adalah rekaan semata-mata, tiada dalam filem sebenar]

Semalam (27 Februari 2007) di panggung 12, GSC Midvalley telah diadakan tayangan pratonton filem Mukhsin kepada pihak media, rakan-rakan produksi, penaja dan beberapa pihak lain.

Yasmin Ahmad dalam ucapan beliau sebelum tayangan mengungkapkan rasa syukur ke hadrat Ilahi atas kemenangan berganda Mukhsin (anugerah Grand Prix kategori juri profesional dan anugerah Special Mention kategori juri kanak-kanak) dalam festival filem antarabangsa Berlinale baru-baru ini serta terima kasih tidak terhingga kepada semua pihak yang telah menyokong filem-filem beliau dari mula.

Jika dulu filem Sepet hanya ada sepuluh salinan untuk diputarkan jadi jumlah pawagam yg dapat menayangkannya adalah sangat terhad serta tempoh masa singkat untuk memberi peluang tayangan kepada pawagam lain pula, bagi Mukhsin beliau memaklumkan dengan gembiranya terdapat TIGA PULUH salinan, bermakna lebih banyak pawagam dapat menayangkan filem ini pada satu-satu sama, "which is a luxury", ujar beliau dgn penuh rendah diri.

Antara yang menarik lagi adalah apabila beliau menyatakan 'dewan pawagam ini dipenuhi oleh kawan-kawan dan orang-orang yang memang menyukai saya, kecuali dua orang'.

Mahukah anda tahu siapa dua orang yang dimaksudkan itu?

Jeng jeng jeng.... mereka adalah pengarah/penerbit filem tempatan iaitu Puan Raja Azmi dan Encik David Teoh. Memang tak sangka. Well, begitulah sepatutnya dalam industri filem tempatan yang tidak seberapa saiznya ini... pusing-pusing orang itu juga kan, hari ini kawan bertepuk tampar cium-cium pipi silap-silap esok jadi musuh, hari ini bertikam lidah esok-lusa mungkin duduk makan semeja. Tak ada salahnya untuk memberi sokongan moral hasil usaha orang lain walaupun mungkin kita tak setuju dengan idea-idea mereka atau mempunyai pendapat yang saling berbeza.

Bagaimanapun kedua-dua mereka meninggalkan dewan tayangan sejurus tamat filem Mukhsin, jadi Miss Ted tak sempat nak tanya pendapat mereka tentang buah tangan terbaru Yasmin Ahmad ini.

Mukhsin mungkin tiada CGI, tiada aksi letup lompat bot, jetski atau kereta kebal, tiada perlanggaran pile-up lapanbelas buah kenderaan, tiada siapa mandi berkemban, tiada rambut yang basah dan tiada dengusan nafas berahi (aksi 'terganas' dalam Mukhsin adalah lagak samseng seorang budak yg memukul seseorang dgn kayu di kepala, aksi 'terpanas' adalah si Mukhsin dengan teragak-agak menepuk tangan Orked yang sedang kesedihan). But for me (the second time around watching Mukhsin, dulu on small projector screen and now on big screen) - it just gets better. Tontonlah dengan penuh rasa. RASA. 'Rasa'nya sahaja sudah cukup untuk memenuhkan ruang deria anda bagi kepuasan menonton filem ini.

Jadi pastikan anda tidak melepaskan peluang menonton tayangan Mukhsin di pawagam berdekatan mulai 8 Mac 2007 nanti.

P.S - Yasmin pesan jangan lupa memerhatikan lukisan dan tulisan berbahasa Cina di papan hitam dalam babak-babak di bilik Orked. Miss Ted harap kawan-kawan yang memahami tulisan tersebut boleh menerangkan maksudnya. Sayang, Miss Ted belajar bahasa Malaysia, bahasa Inggeris dan bahasa Arab saja masa di sekolah dulu.


Previous post : Mukhsin mini review

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

what an irony

On the national newspaper's front page website today.

Closer view :

On the left...

And on the right...

So how?

Friday, February 23, 2007

COOL, eh?

1. Being cool

It was during a ride to work - at that time cousin Ridzi had just started his new job and he still didn't have a ride of his own yet.

He remarked that I'm kinda cool, actually, when he realized I was able to follow his babbles. Topic in discussion - Metallica's discography. What he forgot is that he was the one responsible for introducing me to The Black Album, Master of Puppets et. al. back when we were still in our teens.

How easy it is, eh, to be 'cool'?

2. "coolness!"

I just love using that word (complete with exclamation marks -!!-) for everything that I found remotely, well, cool.

Things like - Youtube, Domino's Chocolate Indulgence dessert (gila sedap I tell you - warm, gooey brownies swimming in hot chocolate sauce), colorful sticky-notes, new gadgets, TV adverts, even fancy stationery. Like that pen with its nifty name-stamp in its cap. Coolness.

How easy it is, eh, for a thing to be 'cool'?

3. cooling-off period

Did you know that the Bahasa Malaysia translation for 'cooling-off period' (in sales literature) is 'tempoh bertenang'. Hmm.. come to think of it, when you say to people, "Be cool, man", you could translate it into "Sila bertenang", right?


Sunday, February 18, 2007

Mukhsin's winnings at Berlinale

  • Press release from Berlin International Film Festival official site here.
  • My mini review on Mukhsin here.


Note the pluralism in the above title ?

The Generation’s eleven-member Children’s Jury of the Kplus competition programme of the 57th Berlin International Film Festival awards the Crystal Bear for Best Feature Film as well as the Crystal Bear for Best Short Film and Special Mentions to the following films:

The Crystal Bear for Best Feature Film
DEK HOR (Dorm)
by Songyos Sugmakanan, Thailand

A Special Mention
by Yasmin Ahmad, Malaysia


The five-member International Jury of the Generation of the 57th Berlin International Film Festival Berlin awards the Grand Prix of the Deutsches Kinderhilfswerk, endowed with 7,500 euros, as well as the Special Prize of the Deutsches Kinderhilfswerk, endowed with 2,500 euros, to the following films:

The Grand Prix of the Deutsches Kinderhilfswerk
by Yasmin Ahmad, Malaysia

“A wonderful, almost magical atmosphere, enhanced by a striking soundtrack.
Poetic images of the closeness of a family and community.
A witty script combined with well-rounded and humorous characters: All this in a story of a friendship that daren’t cross into love, and a love for which friendship is no longer enough.”

P.S - Mukhsin will be screened in cinemas nationwide starting 8 March 2007.

P.P.S - While typing this post, suddenly I saw Mukhsin trailer being aired on TV3. Pergh. Made me went goosebumps (of the feel-good kind lah). Alhamdulillah & congratulations, Kak Min.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Puaka Tebing Biru (2007)

The 'puaka' will begin haunting local cinemas starting Thursday 18th Feb.

Puaka Tebing Biru is Osman Ali's first commercial feature film. Famous for the risque movie Bukak Api (about a group of transsexuals) and the Ning Baizura-starred Malaikat di Jendela (a woman's struggle with a HIV+ husband) , Osman Ali joins the band of previously lesser-known (to commercial moviegoers at least) directors to make his mark at the local cinemas in a nationwide release.

[Trivia : You can actually view the whole of Bukak Api in five parts on Youtube. However please be warned that due to the subject matter, viewers' discretion is necessary and it may not be suitable for everybody. Link]


The synopsis for Puaka Tebing Biru says :


Ratna adalah rakan karib Ayu yang tinggal bersebelahan rumahnya sejak kecil. Ayu, seorang gadis lemah-lembut sedang dilamun cinta dengan seorang pemuda kampung bernama Mohsin.

Ratna yang mempunyai seorang adik perempuan bernama Atilia telah mendapat tawaran kerja di Kuala Lumpur tetapi tidak mendapat keizinan ibu mereka. Hati Ratna terluka. Akhirnya, Ratna tidak berganjak dengan keputusannya lalu pergi meninggalkan Atilia, ibu serta rakan karibnya Ayu.

Selepas 7 tahun berlalu, Ratna kini berjaya sebagai seorang petugas di unit forensik di sebuah hospital di Kuala Lumpur . Namun ada yang sesuatu yang menghantui hidup Ratna. Ratna tidak pernah sejak 6 tahun yang lalu. Bayangan seorang wanita yang sering menganggu menyebabkannya menjadi tertekan. Selain bayangan wanita tersebut, muncul pula seorang kanak-kanak perempuan. Bagi menenangkan fikiran, Ratna mengambil keputusan untuk bertemu keluarganya. Itulah pertemuan pertama, selepas 7 tahun tidak bertemu adiknya, Atilia. Setelah bertemu, Ratna dan Atilia mengambil keputusan bermalam di rumah pusaka tinggalan bapa mereka yang terletak di tepi pantai.

Pelbagai peristiwa pelik dan menyeramkan berlaku sepanjang bermalam di situ. Lebih menggerunkan apabila Atilia dikunjungi seorang kanak-kanak perempuan misteri mengajaknya bermain di tepi pantai.

Dalam perjalanan pulang, mereka bertembung dengan sekumpulan orang kampung sedang mengusung keranda ke tanah perkuburan. Apakah misteri di sebalik kemunculan bayangan wanita dan kanak-kanak perempuan tersebut? Siapa kanak-kanak itu?


Ted says :

I'm gonna put up the review later. In the meantime as usual, enjoy the trailer :)

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Campaign update

REAL Progress update :

I'm down to 58.0 kg this week dearies! That would be about 2 kilos after about 3 weeks ( I started on 18 Jan 07), although I still eat somewhat normally (i.e multiple karipaps after meetings, fast food meals a couple of times etc etc). Last year even after the fasting month I only managed to be at most 58.5, and after a week of Raya twas all back to the usual, therefore reaching 58-point-oh is a big deal for me. Serius, I myself also like, tak percaya. But the figures should do the talking :)

Actually the only time that I absolutely really stuck to the plan is by replacing my breakfasts with the shake whereas dinners and snack times are usually where I'd succumb to temptation. Tried hard to make healthier choices in food too as well as make time for exercise- I think this would be the REAL make-or-break factor that would ensure the success of my lose-weight-get-fitter goal. Healthier choices in food, so far not so bad lah. But exercise, man... still not making enough effort for this one. Saya cuba lagi minggu depan, ok.

Doakanlah saye berjaye mencapai cita-cita menjadi lebih kurus dan sihat ini ye. Aminnn.

Saturday, January 27, 2007


Review for 'Qabil Khushry Qabil Igam' done.

Go here.

Qabil Khushry Qabil Igam (2007)

Terima kasih Nur Adila dari TV3 atas jemputan ini.

"Bernafsu betul aku tengok si Karisma tu..."

- Izi Yahya as Asrul, QKQI

Awas. Beberapa spoilers yang tidak mengancam jiwa di hadapan.

'Tarikan Nafsu'

Aku memenuhi undangan preview filem pertama terbitan Sonata Film ini setelah melihat nama penulis skrip Azlina Pa'Wan (antara rekod beliau adalah cereka tv Miftahul Jamilah dan drama bersiri Sephia di Samarenda) serta nama pengarah yang tak biasa aku dengar - Zaili Sulan - kerana aku pada ketika ini sangat-sangat suka melihat kelahiran penerbit dan pengarah-pengarah baru di persada perfileman tempatan. Dua perkara inilah yang membuatkan aku rasa sedikit bernafsu (haha) kerana jika sekadar berpandukan tajuk filem (iras sebuah filem Bollywood) dan poster (sangat mengingatkan kita dengan Maria Mariana, tsk), maaf, aku tak fikir aku akan senang-senang mengambil cuti setengah hari untuk melangkah ke panggung.

Acara Pratonton

Acara dimulakan jam 3 petang, agak tersasar dari dijadualkan di jemputan iaitu jam 2.15 petang, barangkali ada tetamu penting yang tidak dapat mencari ruang letak kereta di Midvalley ataupun hal-hal lain yang tak dapat dielakkan (biasalah, kalau ada acara pratonton filem yang mula pada masanya, aku akan bagi anugerah khas kepada produksi filem itu). Menarik sekali apabila majlis-majlis pratonton dimulakan dengan bacaan doa, yang antara lain isinya secara literal memohon agar penonton dapat menangkap apa mesej yang ingin disampaikan oleh filem ini serta ia akan mendapat sambutan. Sekali lagi Ally Iskandar menjadi emcee (di pratonton filem Cinta juga dia).

En. Mansor

Aku sempat berkenalan dan berbual dengan En. Mansor serta rakannya dari Creative Enterprise. Menurut En. Mansor beliau dah lima tahun tak menonton filem tempatan di pawagam kerana tidak puas hati dengan apa yang ditayangkan. Aku cuba yakinkan beliau bahawa lanskap filem tempatan kini sudah berubah lebih baik, sambil mengharap QKQI akan dapat menyokong pernyataan aku itu.

Yang Menjadi

Permulaan dengan kelahiran yang menggembirakan, diakhiri dengan kematian yang tragis. Cantik dari segi perjalanan filem di samping warna-warna yang cantik di mata dalam penggambaran filem ini (hey, berani kau kata Rusdi Ramli tak cantik pakai baju kurung warna oren?).

QKQI menjadi saksi hasil assignment selepas kajian bahawa antara formula-formula filem tempatan yang laku adalah elemen komedi (banyak kelucuan yang membuatkan satu panggung ketawa), melodrama (penonton sebelah aku siap menangis tersedu-sedan. Tapi Kursus Ted 101 : Kelebihan 'cheese' akan membuatkan Ted berkata "buwerk!" But this is personal preference.) dan cinta-kasih-sayang-pengorbanan. Secara berasingan, elemen-elemen itu agak berjaya. Muzik mendayu oleh Mohram melengkapkan resepi kajian ini.

Pelakon-pelakon seperti Rusdi Ramli, Erra Fazira dan Maimon Mutalib pula membuktikan bahawa harga pengalaman adalah mahal dan berbaloi. Special mention untuk Hans Isaac waktu aksi tarian lagu Bollywoodnya, you rock-lah bro.

Selain itu filem ini ada CGI! Dan CGInya juga sangat menjadi, sungguh real sampai tak perasan.

'Kecelaruan Genre'?

Ok, mari kita beranalogi:-
(aku guna analogi berasas makanan kerana aku sedang diet)

1. Mi kari adalah makanan yang sedap.
2. Cheesecake juga adalah makanan yang sedap.
Tetapi di sini premis logik tidak boleh dipakai jika cuba makan mi kari setengah pinggan, kemudian potong setengah cheesecake itu dan masukkan dalam mangkuk mi kari, gaul-gaul dan makan, dan akhir sekali baru habiskan setengah potong
cheesecake yang masih berbaki. Macam mana rasanya? Berganda sedap kah kombinasi dua makanan yang sedap ini? Sendiri jawab haa.

Itulah yang aku rasa dan mengapa aku nyatakan di atas 'secara berasingan'. QKQI dimulakan dengan cuitan-cuitan lelucon dan sedikit slapstick yang pada aku secara dasar tak ada salahnya. Seluruh panggung bergelak ketawa di saat Qabil Khushry (Hans) dan Qabil Igam (Rusdi) dilahirkan, di saat Karisma (Erra) kentut sembunyi-sembunyi dalam air dan waktu Rani (Ziana) tergedik-gedik memikat Khushry. Cuma aku agak rimas melihat rupa-rupa pelakon 30-an cuba meremajakan diri mereka, dari segi fizikal pun rimas (terutama yang lelaki), dari segi lakonan yang kadangkala over pun rimas. Aku rasa akan lebih meyakinkan jika diambil pelakon muda lain untuk watak-watak remaja ini.

Fast forward ke separuh kedua filem.

Elemen tragedi diperkenalkan. Uhh.. memang tragis, dan kesedihan-kesedihan mula bertimpa-timpa. Tapi tunggu! Tadi gelak hahahahaha. Sekarang kena sedih. Serius. Drama. Eh kelakar balik? Eh nak rasa sedih ke kelakar? Eh? Eh?

Faktor ini amat mengganggu aku di separuh kedua filem hinggakan ke tahap aku secara fizikal 'menggelupur' menunggu filem ini selesai. Pada pendapat aku seorang pengarah harus lebih teliti jika ingin membaurkan elemen-elemen yang bertentangan. Emosi penonton seakan 'dicuri ayam' apabila mood filem telah berubah, masih ada saki-baki lawak yang tidak habis. Aku fikir QKQI akan lebih padu dalam tambatan emosi jika selepas titik perubahan komedi-ke-tragedi, selitan-selitan dialog / babak lucu ditiadakan langsung jika formula bagi tahap komedi yang dipaparkan selepas titik perubahan dikhuatiri melebihi skala yang sepatutnya. Baru nak cuba ambik feel rasa sedih, sekali zassss dia bagi lawak -
'potong stim' kata orang. Kemudian diselitkan pula babak ala-ala iklan khidmat masyarakat yang seperti disuap-suap (rujuk Kursus Ted 101 : Ted pantang di'shovel' dengan idealisme apa sekalipun secara kaedah buku teks apabila menonton filem). Aku kira isu kecelaruan genre inilah yang menjadi the main falling disgrace bagi QKQI, di mana jika tidak mungkin aku masih dapat merasa lebih puas menontonnya.

Apabila Pengarah Iklan, Penulis Telemovie ke Layar Lebar

Aku mudah excited apabila ada pembikin hasil seni 'melompat' kelasnya (walau masih tak tukar major, tukar major adalah apabila dari penyanyi jadi penulis buku), lebih-lebih lagi jika dalam kelas lamanya beliau menghasilkan karya-karya yang bagus dan mendapat perhatian ramai. Walaupun aku tak pernah mendengar nama En Zaili Sulan, aku yakin pasti beliau ada 'sesuatu' di 'kelas lamanya' (iklan komersil dan video muzik) - menjadi pengarah bagi anugerah Muzik Video Terbaik di Anugerah Industri Muzik 2002 pasti 'sesuatu' kan. Dan 'sesuatu' inilah yang aku harapkan. Tapi aku hampa kerana 'sesuatu' itu masih belum dapat diterjemahkan dengan berjaya dalam pembikinan QKQI. Ada ketikanya juga aku terasa seperti mengadap latihan praktikal kursus Camerawork 203 : Multiple styles in film-shooting - celah-celah objek, zoom dekat, POV atas, POV bawah, seakan ada yang tak kena.

Bagaimanapun dialog-dialog garapan Azlina Pa'Wan konsisten dengan hasil beliau sebelum ini walaupun ada babak seperti mengingatkan kita kepada telemovie-telemovie bahagian akhir kisah-kisah anak derhaka di mana emak merajuk dan menangis di dalam hujan. Mungkin kerana jika nak dibandingkan tempoh tayangan telemovie dan filem tidak banyak bezanya serta antara telemovie/filem itu sendiri adalah kategori 'lompat kelas', bukanlah perubahan major maka penulis yang baik akan dapat merasa selesa menyelesaikan assignment ini. Cuma pembauran komedi-drama itu, kerja siapa, aduh, aduh, aduh.

Nak Tengok Ke?

Jika kau tegar menyokong filem tempatan, pergilah.
Jika kau suka pelakon-pelakon utama filem ini, pergilah.
Jika kau suka Bollywood dan hiburan adalah agenda ultimate kau, pergilah.

Jangan termakan bulat-bulat ulasan-ulasan penulis-penulis berbayar atau tidak berbayar di media cetak mahupun media alternatif kerana at the end of the day, anda sendiri yang paling tahu untuk menentukan citarasa sendiri.

En Mansor Pulang

Sayang, En. Mansor pulang dengan menyuarakan rasa yang agak kecewa dan aku tak fikir dia akan kembali untuk menonton filem tempatan di pawagam dalam tempoh lima tahun lagi.


P.S. - Isu unsur Bollywood filem ini aku tak berapa sentuh kerana dah banyak ditulis oleh orang lain. Sila Google, kay.