dance

ayo, merajuk la, apa la.

nanti cepat tua meh.

it takes two to tango, true.

but haven't you realize, i don't even know how to dance?

i just walk and hop.

steel

sorry for the outburst. for making you worry.

you know i'm definitely NOT made of steel.

anyways, when i told you i love you, i really meant it.

i'll be back, i promise. just hang tight.

not the best timing, i know, but u can't exactly plan these things now, kan?

hope i didn't spoil your birthday month.

fair

I have wondered before, why is it that God allows me to go through a seemingly easy life so far, in comparison to other people as I know it. Worrying that my comeuppance and big tests would later come too big and perhaps too much.

I know why today.

Because what hurt others at x, will hurt me at the factor of 10 times that.

But I take solace in the faith that God will give you no more than you can bear.

a ship! a ship!

again, i strike another friendship under amusing circumstances.

it's funny how you can't really plan these things, and life always seem to have another trick up its sleeve.

as always, i shall let this ship, too, ride the wave.

some ships have crashed before, some has been smooth sailing, some broke at the peril of choppy waters - but just because the last kayak sank doesn't mean you should never get on another boat ever, eh.

really

really. no wonder i gravitate towards, ahem, the people i gravitate to.

brooding male types need not apply. sheesh.

sometimes

apa yang tak mampu saya katakan itulah yang paling berbekas di jiwa ini.

in life though, u just march on.

but sometimes, just sometimes...

anew

hee. just ask me out, you silly boy.
be quick about it or i may have to do it instead!

------------------------

going through all the motions of getting to know someone is not entirely a surefire thing, no matter how many times it's been done. this time around though, i'm keeping things simple.

but it is flattering to have someone who calls you sweetie, and such (cue for bimbo-ness taking over awhile). sweet nothings may not be only that... who knows?

------------------------

am finally at the new office. totally new surrounding, new things to do, new mindset, new lots of things. am getting used to the cubicle instead of the big swanky room. no biggie, except i need to really strip my boxes of stuff bare and find proper place for them, sometime.

ex-boss made a mistake of my actual last day, teehee. for all the great communication things he has taught me, it's funny that we could understand a simple thing as a last-day-at-work date differently.

anyways, it's adieu for now 19th floor, hello basement!

like a tattoo

Inilah theme song saya sekarang :)



Tattoo - Jordin Sparks

Oh, oh, oh

No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free

To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

[Chorus]
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you, I'll always have you)

I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could

Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind

(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you)

If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do

Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you

of acceptance and peace, and forgiveness

It's exactly 2 months from the day that she left this world.

------------------------------------

Allan told me, u obviously din read wat i wrote abt Yasmin when she died.

I said perhaps not...didn't read the newspapers that much.

He gave me the link. I proceeded to the words that I've missed.

(excerpt) But late Saturday night, my friends and I had no more smiles or laughter. After I received the devastating SMS, my mind was clouded over with confused feelings. One acquaintance regretted never making good on his promise to have lunch with Yasmin, even though their offices were just next to each other. Another regretted not having a single photo taken with her.

“Because I thought she was going to be here for a long time,” he said.

And that is how we usually take people for granted. I have many things left unsaid and unsettled, and I always thought that one day, she and I would be able to look back at all the stupid, angry things we said to each other and laugh."

And fresh tears coursed down my cheeks in the wee hours of this Saturday morning.

------------------------------------

Even in her death, Kak Min continues with her legacy of love that she has imprinted on us.

Even in her death, she still managed to bring people together.

So much left still unsaid and unsettled... everyone has a list of this in their to-do pile, and at the end of the day most of it is still within our choice which gets said, and which gets done, and when.

I've came to learn that for some of the instances we may be in good time, while there could be others where the opportunity would be lost forever should we decide to forgo the moments chanced upon us when it did.

I truly believe the way to move forward is to always put our best intentions at heart, and in that way there should be little room for regrets no matter what life dishes to us, and to bravely accept that the things that happened, are supposed to happen. The past can never be changed, but the present and future can still be what we make of it.

And above it all, whichever way things go, God is great and all-knowing, and the greatest peace and forgiveness that one could seek from, of course, is from the Almighty above.

--

May I thank thee, Allan, our 'il presidente', for this gift of his renewed friendship.
What? Of coz I la blog about this one! ;)

enjoy the show

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

Slow it down
Make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause it's too much
Yeah, it's a lot
To be something I'm not

I'm a fool
Out of love
'Cause I just can't get enough

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

The sun is hot
In the sky
Just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the sign
And synchronize in time
It's a joke
Nobody knows
They've got a ticket to that show
Yeah

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I dont know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

Just enjoy the show

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I dont know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

dum de dum
dudum de dum

Just enjoy the show

I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back
Just enjoy the show

bye, Kak Min

Of course I didn't wear black at her funeral.

here and there

hey, two-timed! how fabulous!

hello there!! do you know this as well, or is it still just me?

anyhoo, now that i know, i'm chucking this junk.

-----------------

i can't believe how i should've known all along, but i didn't.

guess there's a time for everything.

betrayal

tell me if you can accept this -

' i betrayed your trust, but i really did it because i love you. because i care.'

no surprise

I've practiced this for hours, gone round and round
And now I think that I've got it all down
And as I say it louder, I love how it sounds
Cause I'm not taking the easy way out
Not wrappin' this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

It came out like a river once I let it out
When I thought that I wouldn't know how
Held onto it forever, just pushing it down
Felt so good to let go of it now
Not wrapping this in ribbons
Shouldn't have to give a reason why

Don't be surprised when we hate this tomorrow
God knows we tried to find an easier way
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes
That's why this comes as no,
As no surprise

If I could see the future and how this plays out
I bet it's better than where we are now
But after going through this
It's easier to see the reason why

- Daughtry

there with

this, is so me

this

this, here, is my trust. please be careful what you do with it.

because, like the song by Tony before his death in Sell Out! -

'after every mistake i'm still optimistic to the core...'

*changes*

oh, new post.
new office.
same building though. haha. just a different room at a different building level.

new boss. but not too unfamiliar.
new tasks, with some of the same 'old' ones tagged to it.

i now fully understand the SIBUK-KEJE-SAMPAI-TAK-SEMPAT-MAKAN-MINUM concept to a new level. gosh.

same crowd, with new additions.


new plans too for 2010.

----------------------------

you know those first two rules of the fight club?

#1 - The first rule of Fight Club is, you do not talk about Fight Club.

#2 - The second rule of Fight Club is, you DO NOT talk about Fight Club.

it's a bit like that.

but the fact that we do NOT talk about it doesn't mean it's not there.

post-saturday

sometimes i wish there's a clear line.
but there never was one.

engkau. aku terkadang ingin sahaja berkata - jangan. sudah.
yang terlalu itu, sukar untuk aku.
kerana aku berperang di dalam.

--------------

another night of revelations. the good kind, today.
perceptions are altered.
i have nafh to thank.

info bits

sometimes, too much information may make you a bit uneasy.

i've been responsible for something to happen based on available information at that time and thought it was the best decision compared to others' choices.

but now i'm not so sure. after the additional info i chanced upon today (yes, over the net), somehow, i have a feeling that it may have the potential to instigate changes that may not be too much in my favour somehow. alamak. alamak. i hope everything works out well especially for ME.

yes. for this one, i am self-ish and territorial. i can let lots of other things go by and just flick my head when things work out not so much for me, but please, not this one. uhm.

sold to SELL OUT! ($311.0u7!)

supposing i told you i loved you
supposing i said i couldnt get you out of my head
supposing that's what i said
would you hold my crush against me?
would you turn and say to me...

you're not my type
don't get your hopes all high
i wouldn't sleep with you
till the day i die
no!
oh no!

'You're Not My Type', soundtrack from 'Sell Out!'

------------------------------------

Oh, just go and watch this really hilarious movie already.

Bucketloads of guffaws, guaranteed. Part art-film, part-musical, mostly-parody, all Malaysian. Regardless of the fact that the main actor is half-English.

It was an adhoc decision to watch this movie last Sunday, and how glad we were that we did as we chanced upon the director Yeo Joon Han and main cast Peter Davies afterwards, where to our pleasant surprise they so sportingly dragged their chairs to our table and we talked about the film, movies in general, living in Cheras/Ipoh/East Msia, teachers who had the idea that 'suspenders' and 'spender' are the same thing as well as the merits of a french boyfriend and more till the wee hours of the morning over some overpriced cups of coffee and an uneaten slice of cake. It was quite amusing to have the director himself admitting stuff like 'that thing in the scene? no meaninglah, it's there coz it was there, aiya even i didn't notice'.

Sell Out! is a labor of love and it shows.

The film prods at artsy films, reality shows, local entertainment industry, big corporate conglomerate practices, irritating things that happens in life, the human fixation on some absurd matters and such. You'd be able to identify with the quirky happenings all along the movie, and would more often that not suddenly burst into laughter either inward or outwardly at even the smallest things. The songs are real gems and I have You're Not My Type playing over and over in my mind. Who could ever thought of making a sickly man sing his poem of love before his moment of death be a pitiful and funny scene at the same time? Who would ever thought of singing the lines of 'Money, why do you love rich people' to a torn RM50 note?

As some of the jokes are just snippets of a second, I'm definitely giving it a repeat visit to catch them again.

More info on Sell Out! at Amokfilms site here.

[Everyone has his price. Sigh.]

it's a small world after all

such a day in history it was, eh.

oh how it's a small, small world. networks overlap. social circles could still touch somewhere, no matter how off-tangent one may think it is.

A.
- want to watch X? YES
- watch X with Y? YES
- make plans for the day? NO
- want to come with me? YES

B.
- ask the question again? NO
- reply the sms? YES
- make the detour? YES
- tell earlier or later? LATER

seemingly-little decisions made at split seconds, some running away from the norm, produced surprising results at the end of the day.

oh how we laughed till our sides ached over it and made running jokes to the moon and back at 3am. but in retrospect, soberly, it's less of a laughing matter.

trust. respect. gratitude. somebody's future. and more than that.

it's a cruel world as it is, and everybody is fighting their own battle. we all know that, right?

as such, i'm very wary of the possibilities of inflicting wounds inadvertently, no matter how insignificant it may seem at the moment. there's no need for it, surely. and furthermore, things have a way of getting out of control, especially when you least expect it. no reason to risk something that's of no real value to anybody.

to that certain someone, thank you, for sharing my view.

how-to : give your touch-n-go card a negative balance

1. reload touch-n-go card no. 1 (TnG1) with lots of RM.

2. put TnG1 in smart-tag unit. use as usual.

3. apply for touch-n-go card no. 2 (TnG2) because it's a Zing card and will reload automatically.

4. receive TnG2 in the mail. instruction says to activate by swiping at any TnG toll lane.

5. decide to drive somewhere that involves the PLUS highway.

6. decide to activate TnG2.

7. took TnG lane at the toll plaza instead of the usual smart-tag lane.

8. swipe TnG2 at toll entry.

9. take out TnG1 from smart-tag unit and replace with TnG2 to check that TnG2 is loaded with RM. confirmed!

10. decide to continue using TnG1 first until its RM value is all used up before starting to use TnG2.

10. reinsert TnG1 in smart-tag unit.

11. took the smart-tag lane as usual at toll exit.

12. *teeettttttt* (smart-tag system calculates maximum possible journey for that exit)

13. realize that at highway point of entry, TnG2 was utilized for this journey!

14. congratulate self for forgetfulness. baki TnG1 sekarang adalah negatif.

15. chuck TnG1 and insert TnG2 permanently in smart-tag unit.

1. sometimes i still find it a bit amusing, when we communicate at work and it's with a colleague who has also been a classmate wayyy back in primary / secondary school.

2. siapa2 yg nak suggest aku kena selsema babi tu mmg nak kena. cheist.

3. oh no oh no may is fast approaching and i've not finalized all the plans yet!

twist

"in the twist of separation..."

Don't you just miss Take That?

Oh, and I miss you. Demm.
More damneder is the fact that I know you don't miss me at all. Heh.
Demm sungguh.

----------------------------------

My body aches all over today. Ow. Ow. Ow.

The twist points on the ankles hurt.
Twisting the hand even just a bit hurts.
Straightening the arms hurt.
Going up the stairs hurts at every step.
Sitting down on the chair hurts.

Oh, but it's the good kind, I suppose.

All thanks to an overzealous squash session which may, or may not be repeated in the near future.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

being aunt agony

= ted, my home got hijacked laaa.
+ huh? hijacked like how?

we went from talking about a hijacked home to purging episodes to power stations to taxes to books to life plans and more. AJ is one of those friends who would ring me up out of the blue with just one thing or even just one sentence to talk about, and like it usually is with friends whom I'm comfortable with conversationally like that, it will always progress to a myriad of other topics to thresh on. can't even remember when was the last time we talked, so updates are always on the list.

+ eh oklah. i'm sleepy la. it's late.
= memang aku call pun sebenarnya nak dodoikan engkau tido la.
+ elleh banyak lah.
= thanks eh. good nite.
+ nite.

haha. . my pleasure. till next time. if only to play the part of a listening ear, that much i can do.

i know i'm an agony aunt for a number of people, and likewise i have my own list of agony aunts (or uncles !) to whom i'd rant and rave to when the goings get tough. how do one pick and choose the people who plays the part of an agony aunt? and how do you accept it if you're one?

sometimes, it's just the person who have been there for you for a long time, who knows you really well and you feel really comfortable with. sometimes it could be a person you've just befriended but you know are in the same boat. sometimes it's somebody who happens to be at the right time at the right place. sometimes it's the person who could make a difference in the matter. sometimes it's somebody who has the experience that we seek. they could be a family member, a lover, a friend, a colleague, a boss.

whatever the case may be - one thing is for sure. they are someone you trust - and in many ways more than one usually, depending on the situation. there might be times when you just need somebody to listen and be sympathetic, that's all and you trust that they'd give you their utmost attention and they do care. sometimes you trust that they'd be your on your side in a grievance. sometimes you trust them to see your point of view although others deem you are wrong. sometimes you need to pour unpleasantness and you trust they'd understand and not pass judgement while at other times, you trust them to be able to give good advice and knock you in the head even though it may hurt you in the process. and then there are times that you trust that they'd be able to help.

in most likely at all times, you also trust them to keep the things that should remain just between the two of you, as such.

i appreciate the agony aunts in my life who have helped me going through the ups and downs (more on downs lah kan, obviously, if not takkan nama dia AGONY aunt hehe). being an agony aunt is not always rosy. it's not. sometimes there could be a conflict of interest, opinion, or ideas. you may not agree to what he/she thinks. you may think he/she is stupid. or you just feel like your eyelids are already bricklike and yet the other person is still only halfway through his/her grievance and expects you to stay on the line another half hour. and what if he/she tells you of doing something that breaks the law or has/is potentially harming others?

what do you do then?

this is where when you've taken the role of an agony aunt, you have to decide where you go from here. would you still be on his/her side, or do you shoot him/her down? do you make your points out and stick to them, or do you still agree with him/her? do you say "enough", or do you continue? do you take action or do you keep it a secret? oh berat berat. challenge sekali.

usually first and foremost i'd gauge what was it that was required of me in the first place. do you want me to just listen, or do you need to make a decision? is all you want is an ear, a sounding board, or advice? do you want me as your ally, or as devil's advocate? would you be able to accept my opinion even if it's going to be painful to you, or do you just want to hear what you already knew and that's it? the thing is, all these may not be fully apparent initially, and the requirements could also change and evolve in the process.

i do my best to do what's right, for that time. and keep my intent aligned towards the best for everybody. somehow.

people are complex. heh. it's these complexities that make us what we are, that defines us.

anyways here's one to the agony aunts (sambil angkat mug berisi milo ais) in my life :

thank you.
thank YOU.
for being there. for the kind remarks. for wise words. and even for the harsh comments.
for knowing what i need and giving it to me when i asked.

and to those who trusted me to become their agony aunt - i wish you well and hope i've done the best i could.

soalan saya seterusnya : bagaimanakah hendak translate istilah 'agony aunt' ke dalam bahasa Melayu?

Collins English-Malay dictionary says :

agony n kesakitan yang amat sangat

hoho.

AUNT AGONY = MAKCIK KESAKITAN YANG AMAT SANGAT ??

c'est la vie

1. curveball

and when you think you'll just drown the sorrows by yourself, when you think there's no use even thinking about going on trudging along this line, when you think the best would be to just walk away and turn your back on things -

*

with a phonecall, life throws another curveball. and restores my faith (just enough) at the time that i truly needed it.


2. clingy

she told me to stop being so clingy. ok. ok. we all knew that already. i'll try.


3. oh! life

during the crazy uni years where we went to the movies as if Moviewatching 203 was an extra-credit course and TGV Mines was the classroom, i used to have a buddy who goes by the nickname Live^ and when we hang out, at one time or the other we'd break into the Des'ree song 'Life, oh life! Oh life! Oh life!" (of course when we sing it we go LIVE, oh LIVE! Oh LIVE! ) and go ape over the doo doot doot dooo part.

the above, would be one of those moments :)

today Live^ is a father to three cute kids and husband to one beautiful wife (so far). his never-ending remark when we occasionally talk would be "kao tu Ted, bila lagi aku nak rasa nasik minyak?", to which my reply will always be "suruh kak Lela masak la!". and we'd still break into LIVE, oh LIVE! when the occasion calls for it.

4. computer desk for the baby

Amin is quite hefty now. dah makin berat nak dukung. am already imagining when he's bigger and at the stage where he'd looking up to his big brother Aqif and following big brother's every move... oh i can't wait for him to grow up soon enough for him to start walking. their Atok-Wan team are planning to get them a computer desk already.. "so they can play on the laptop properly together". sabar je la hehehehe.


5. the S project

there's roughly one month left to work on the surprise project. alamak, better haul my ass and start on it soon! May is a month with much to look forward to...i love having plans!

unfunny

he disappointed me - he went back on his words, he forgot what i already told him, and then he had the cheek to make the same unfunny joke, TWICE.

but in the end i still get what i needed - that's what matters most.

practicalities rule. i shan't waste my breath telling how i felt like. at least not today.

surprises a-coming

One.

+ is there anything you want in particular, or do you wanna leave it to me to come up with a surprise?
- can i request for both. one what i want and one you surprise me.
+ of course! u get me a surprise too then.

----------------------
Two.

- am in jb. any requests?
+ why don't you surprise me?

---------------------

chehs. dah beso2 panjang tua bangka macam ni pun masing-masing masih nak surprise2 lagi. sooooo true that inside us all, the little kiddie within is forever prancing around waiting for the right moments to sneak out and show that cheeky smile once in a while.

facebook is for old people

at the kebun -

"hey, this would make a good profile picture for facebook!"

- *collective smirks from the kids*

"what??"

- "heeee facebook?"

" heh, don't dream, i'm never gonna add you guys!"

- "tak main la facebook"

"elleh korang mesti geng myspace ni... kids!"

- "elleh facebook for old people laaaaa"

" try facebook dulu baru tau! once you try it you'll never turn back!"

Cheist. These kids... all of a sudden they're all grown up and teasing their auntie in return. Last time I remember they all look more or less the same and are running everywhere shrieking at high voices, and suddenly they're already planning for university and announcing the companies they've started to work for.

How time flies...

surat-surat cintaku ke atas dan panggilan kecemasan

During a discussion about our pending matters, suddenly Mr. P said -

"Oh, and that was a good letter you wrote, the one to XXX. It's already sent upstairs."

Oh. Smile.

"Thank you, Boss. By the way, your room very warm la."


------------------------------


Earlier J was vetting through another of my memos.

"Ok lah ni, I didn't have much to re-do with this"

(shoving the two memo pages scrawled here and there with his handwriting to me)

"Haaaahhhh ni tak banyak?"

"Ala... mostly just rehashing of the style to suit Big Boss' style, not so much on content lah. You should see some of the memos that got sent here!"

"Hehe. Ok." (yeah, so what else is new)


---------------------------------

And so. Today the formal day ends with two calls from people who just got back from a meeting at HQ. It's 6.00pm, and they want a paper to be prepared based on this afternoon's decisions, to be in time for presentation on Monday's JEK meeting or something, BUT the key person has already left for home. So how?

Camtulah. Tomorrow will be another day.

And most important is that tomorrow will be Friday!!!! The weekend's coming!

there

that time...just watching you breathe. peacefully.

and my heart burst with affection.

just watching you breathe.

Thirty!

The big THREE-OH.

30.

To say that I’m thirty takes a bit of a getting used-to.

THIRTY. Thirrrrtteeeeee.

TIGA PULUH. Tigeploh.

Not to say I’m averse to it. Just that during the last ten years it’s been twenty-something, so to change something you’ve been used to for ten frigging years should take a bit of a getting used to, methinks.

It’s time for self-reflection.

Where I’ve been. What I’ve been up to. What am I doing now. And so what’s next?

It’s always a time for a change for the better. It’s pretty good now, but there’s no way I’m gonna say, ok, that’s it, that’s that, no more need to be done whatsoever.

No way Jose. I’m only thirty! There’s a lot more things I want and need to do!

A friend said that ‘Thirty is the new twenties yadayadayada’. Haha, I so want to agree to that. It’s majorly despite the fact that I’ve earned my own money since joining the workforce at the age of twenty-two, it’s only fairly recent that I feel like having real, complete control of my finances. Wasted quite a number of years (and RM!!!) before taking stock of the situation and realizing that I need to manage my finances much, much better. Not that I’m in a sinkhole of debt or have nothing saved for a rainy day, just that there are a number of things that I could’ve (should’ve) done differently with.

Job – tick. House – tick. Car – tick. House rented out – tick. House rent increase – tick. Savings for rainy day – tick. First promotion – tick. Insurance – tick. Transfer to another position – tick. Leave ALL ongoings of previous position to the new officer – hmmm. Still involved. Must tick this soon soon soon. Learn the ropes of new position – half tick. Next promotion? Working on it.

Pending religious responsibilities – (lots of things to be ticked)

Relationship – tick, untick, tick, wait…. nope, untick, tick, untick again. Question mark. School friend, pen pal, cousin’s friend, university friend, chat friend, colleague, guy met at bookstore, younger guy, older guy, single guy, married guy, guy whose engagement just broken off with another – all has appeared in the list for one reason or the other at a time. But still no guy whatsoever haha. No sweat. Next, please!

Getting taller – haha dream on! I’ve stopped growing at the age of 16, I think. Except sideways, of course. Which brings to… getting fit. Gained kilos after starting to ease in at the workplace – tick. Lost 12kgs with Herbalife and exercise – tick. Joined the gym – tick. Actually go to the gym – tick. Got personal training sessions – tick. Sliding off after finishing personal training sessions and got caught up with work – tick. Gym membership ends without extending it – tick. Gaining weight again – demmmm, tick. New getting fit program – errr….will start again.

Health is big on my agenda. It’s rare for me to get sick and I don’t intend that to be any different now. Looking at the general statistics, this is exactly the time that I should pay more attention to the area. Metabolism will start to slow down gradually. Bone density decreasing. Shucks the onset of osteoporosis, I’m taking my calcium! Wrinkles, urgh. Supplements! All the attention now will pay off for sure when I reach my fifties. Hehe. Hope!

Family and friends – tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick (and more).

Counting my blessings and finding as always so much to be thankful for.

Wonderful parents whose support is always 110% with whatever I choose to do, whose borderless love and priceless lessons have made me into who I am today. A brother who’s always firmly there and a sister in law I can get along with. A sister whom I’d be so lost without. Two delightful nephews to love and spoil!! Close cousins I can count on, spend time with and just be crazy together as cousins are meant to be. All the aunts and uncles, and the rest appended to family ties near and far.

Friends who I could depend on, have fun with, to go for all those sessions of makan, karaoke, movies, holiday trips and ga-ga over all the silly things with, to laugh with, to read with, to get second opinions from, to agree to disagree with and to argue over differences in opinion with, and of course – to cry with. There are also ones whom are for me to cry for. To fight for. To defend for. To stand by for.

I’ve been happy, I’ve been sad, I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve been hurt but I’ve not lost my ability to love. My belief of all things that are good.

Life, is to be cherished and appreciated. Oh yes. Day by day, step by step.

And so I celebrate being a thirty-year-young girl in this wonderful world.

Helleww, tomorrow!

I'm thirty :)

it's a brand new day

dan maka hari ini saya telah menjumpai sesuatu yang baru, yang bakal menjadikan hidup saya lebih ceria dan bermakna. yang bakal mengubah hari-hari saya akan datang, insya allah.

(not that all these while hidup saya kurang bermakna ok)

terima kasih adanya.

another first

today...shall be the day to mark another first in my life. something i've never done yet before...but then i'm the one who always go by the saying "there's always a first time for everything!"

so.

heheheheheheheehhehehe.

i can't believe i did it, but i sure DID!

let's see.

*waiting for outcome*

checklist

1. i'm preparing myself for the eventualities. it's a case of either-or. and whichever comes first, it'll be something that i have to brace myself for - then to continue getting on with my life and make the best of all the things around me.

2. be known that i am afraid and scared and very, very wary. i took the jump anyway. now let's see what will happen next. be there for me, no matter what? if you could, lah.

3. if i were to base my whole life in remembrance of the times that i fell or couldn't reach the higher parts, then i'll never be able to get up ever again. and so i choose to look at what lies ahead instead. things can only get better, aight?

4. what i'm blessed with, are exactly what God want me to have. and so i'll cherish the good things for every moment that i'm alive.

5. whenever i wanted to be selfish for a moment there in that particular situation, time and time again it's been proven that it's not even remotely necessary. and again. and yet again. i think there's something i'm supposed to learn here but i still haven't fully comprehend what it is. one thing i know for sure though - rash acts are never a good move in this case. keeping it level has always been the best option.

6. the future will be what we make of it. so giving it the best shot that one has got is the only option there is.

7. i haven't seen the curious case of benjamin button.. sheesh...but i have seen Geng :)

times like this

....at times like these, all one can do now is hope and pray.

open sesame

aiyark!!

just realized that i've missed lots of film screening invitations by neglecting my yahoo email account. rugi rugi rugi!!

hoi penat

gile dah lama tak pegi panjat gunung. hoih, serius penat. berpeluh2 satu badan. ternyata saluran perpeluhan saya masih berfungsi dengan baik sekali.

tapi ok la. stamina not too bad. nasib baik kat sabah last week telah membuat snap decision dgn Rose untuk pegi gym kat hotel sejam sebelum our 3rd seafood makan session for the trip.

i've almost forgotten how much i enjoy hiking, the state of oneness with nature, the cool breeze wafting and the freshness of the mountain air, the strenous heaving oneself up the more difficult parts, the balancing so as not to fall down rolling between the trees, the art of finding the most suitable spot for the next step, the satisfaction upon reaching the summit. all that, and more.

it felt so good.

benda2 macam ni, memang la boleh pegi sendiri. but the thing is, aku suka ada geng. takde geng yang ajak, takde la pegi. tak best takde geng ni okeys. lagipun kalau part2 yang kaki aku tak berapa sampai masa nak turun, cemana? takkan nak terjun?

bak kata kai lan "aiya belum kawin lagi woooooo" (when i told her why somebody else needs to be exposed to the department's budgeting as well - 'kalau esok i mati eksiden kereta, cemana?')

oh yeah, on that. gm agreed to have others to be involved with the dept budgeting. yeay! sepantas kilat surat-surat perlantikan dikeluarkan seadanya... siap ada pegawai hal-ehwal office equipment hehe. ala come on la kan...balik2 tengok muka aku...padahal aku bukan pegawai admin okeys. jadi kita kongsi sama-sama tugas2 berkaitan untuk kepentingan ramai.

of losing still

Yesterday, it crossed my mind...should you not make it for whatever reason. Or should anything happen. Even though it was just a figment in my imagination, I found myself crying. Badly.

I suddenly fully realize that your demise may be an event I'll have to face. Unless, of course, my time came first.

Should I lose you tomorrow, the last words said were on a happy note. And that I think we've treated each other well enough.


I try to leave at any point of time, on a good note.

For whenever we part with anybody, you never really know for sure if there WILL be a next time.


You just never know.

to lose somebody

This is for my people who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my people who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky ‘cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn’t get it but you kept me in line
I didn’t know why you didn’t show up sometimes
On sunday mornings and I missed you
But when we talked too
All them grown full things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There’s so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
“I wish I could talk to you for awhile”
“I wish I could find a way try not to cry”
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I’ll give the whole world to see your face
And I’m bragging right next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

By-Bye By-bye By-bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I’ve done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
That you can make it through whatever
It’s so hard to accept the fact you’re gone forever

----------------------------------------------------------

Pak Ngah passed away in December last year.. Even till today I still think of him as if he's still around, of him sitting there watching TV by his favorite spot, of him playing with Hazique, of him teasing us all when we were children. Am so glad we celebrated Raya last year in Ipoh, at that point which none of us would've thought it was going to be his last.

We made an impromptu road trip to Ipoh when we were informed he was admitted to the hospital. It was an easy decision to make, for us cousins to take the day off from our work that Friday to visit Pak Ngah.

When the phone rang at 5.50am that morning with Mak Teh's name, I just knew.

I took part during the mandi jenazah in preparation for the burial. No words can fully describe how it felt like, and the emotions that went surging through as I pour the water along his body under the white cloth.

Death as part of the circle of life...the imminent certainty for everybody. At which all that has happened, all that has been said and done, all the happiness and heartbreak, all the successes and failures, all the worldly trimmings comes to a closure... and all that is left are memories kept by the living, while the departed faces the final curtain - and on towards the beginning of afterlife.

Alfatihah to Pak Ngah...semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat.

Hello, Amin Falah!

= Hello, world.

+ Hello, Amin Falah!
= I'm new, world. I'm not familiar with things here.
+ Don't worry. Lots of people here to love and take care of you.

Aqif is now a big brother!

And Ted is now an Auntie two times over :)

THIS matters

1) Mercy Malaysia – PALESTINE RELIEF FUND

Cheque payable to "MERCY MALAYSIA"
CIMB Account No : 1424-000-6561053


2) Red Crescent Malaysia – MRCS INTERNATIONAL RELIEF FUND

Cheque payable to "MRCS International Relief Fund”, write at the back GAZA CITY
MAYBANK Account No : 5144-2210–2657


3) Maybank & NSTP – NSTP FUND FOR GAZA

MAYBANK Account No : 5141-0532-0501


4) Islamic Relief Malaysia – GAZA EMERGENCY APPEAL

MAYBANK Account No : 5621-4270-8704