And again...it's a case of one thing leading to another and out of the line from my initial intentions, things turn into something else. That's why, once you decide to twist the lid open off any such can, you should be ready to face the consequences and realize that those worms might wriggle out and go everywhere instead of staying put right where you want them.
Last nite - I would've parked myself at the gate and waited outside the house till sunrise to face one part of my actions, but I knew that'd be exactly against her wishes. After biting my lips scribbling those two pages of post-its in the dark, I drove my way back with my mind swimming among the many uncertainties of the whole situation. Then the phone beeped and I prayed my utmost gratefulness when I read her message. Of course she has ALL the right to reject my call and to feel like she did, in consequence to how I've implicated her considering she has enough issues on her own. I do hope she was able to laugh as I suggested, or at least smile a bit, at my 'dodginess'.
Yes, I'll face it. Of course I will. I have to be responsible for the embers that I stoke.
Big heart. I'll try to face it with a big heart.
At this moment I do not know how it'll be come tomorrow and the day after, and the day after it.
So I pray that in this plunge, I'd be able to swim back safely to the shore in one piece, with my self-worth, sanity, trustability and heart all intact.