i wanna see this!!

I hope tickets are still available. It's been quite a long time since I last saw one of these. Tak kira, this time, I will MAKE myself go!!!

unsaid

When the time is right, please tell me how far the distance, and how many steps it is this time, at least.

I care. So I tried to understand - that's why I looked it up. But moving further along the sideline, in dealing with my own issues, again I tripped and stumbled. And suddenly I found myself too far out and it's already too late.

--------------------------------------------

Be well, then. Really good to know you're doing fine, as fine as can be.

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May God help us both heal. In peace.
For I sorely need to stop these tears that keep on falling.

...............

dear _,

when i don't know, i can only guess. assume. you know i hate assuming.

because what i've learnt is that when i do the assuming, i can get things wrong. i've done that many times. make things worse. it's been proven.

that's why i always try to seek clarification. lay down the facts, the full story. you know that about me. rather than assume, i need to know what it is exactly.

but since you're not ready (i'm assuming here) to do so yet, it's not the right time yet, i suppose, i can only assume. so i assume it's about that npd thingy. or something i wrote in that card. or something i said on the phone yesterday morning.

please tell me which one, or if i'm wrong altogether even and it's something else entirely.

but if i'm right, then u must've had a thought about it that made u react that way. i would like to know that thought, so perhaps i could explain myself if i've conveyed a different message than what i really meant.

if i'm wrong about all of it, i hope u could tell me later what it was exactly.

at this point i hope i'm just plain over-reacting, as i'm wont to do these days, that i'm just perasan, as you know i'm prone to be.


much love, still.
A.

plunge

And again...it's a case of one thing leading to another and out of the line from my initial intentions, things turn into something else. That's why, once you decide to twist the lid open off any such can, you should be ready to face the consequences and realize that those worms might wriggle out and go everywhere instead of staying put right where you want them.

Last nite - I would've parked myself at the gate and waited outside the house till sunrise to face one part of my actions, but I knew that'd be exactly against her wishes. After biting my lips scribbling those two pages of post-its in the dark, I drove my way back with my mind swimming among the many uncertainties of the whole situation. Then the phone beeped and I prayed my utmost gratefulness when I read her message. Of course she has ALL the right to reject my call and to feel like she did, in consequence to how I've implicated her considering she has enough issues on her own. I do hope she was able to laugh as I suggested, or at least smile a bit, at my 'dodginess'.

Yes, I'll face it. Of course I will. I have to be responsible for the embers that I stoke.

Big heart. I'll try to face it with a big heart.

At this moment I do not know how it'll be come tomorrow and the day after, and the day after it.

So I pray that in this plunge, I'd be able to swim back safely to the shore in one piece, with my self-worth, sanity, trustability and heart all intact.

kosong

Kupandang itu
Bilikmu yang tersepi
Bagai hatiku.

----------------------------------------

p.s - aku baru habis baca Kasut Biru Rubina semalam (thanks, Aliya!). dan rupanya hari ni mereka di Amcorp Mall. pergilah dapatkan senaskhah. fiksyen pop untuk jiwa-jiwa hadhari, katanya.

p.p.s - tidak, tiada haiku dalam Kasut Biru Rubina. jadi apa kaitan dgn aku berhaiku? aku pun kurang pasti haha. mungkin sebab dah lemau buat budget jabatan.

p.p.p.s - yes, the above is dedicated to you.

a friend in need..

she was there when i needed her the most. she listened wholeheartedly to my silliness. her time was for me when i requested for it. she gave me the hugs i sorely needed and never once made me feel worthless even as i cried at my own stupidity.

and when today her frantic cries came, there is absolutely no question what i'm gonna do.

babe, of course i'll be there for you.

i might have a ton of work and that departmental budget needs to be completed, but i'd still make some time. for you.

[hugs]

so what else is new?

swamped, swamped, swamped.

boy i wish i have more time, as usual.

in the meantime, last week i had several fab birthday celebration(s) turning 29, voted during the 12th general election, and woken up to a new state govt.

oh! ada lagi!

later lah, heh.

the people has decided

Of course I've been glued to Malaysiakini.

And this is definitely a shocker!

"Unofficial: Opposition wins Selangor - 12.25am
Selangor has fallen into the hands of the opposition. PKR has earlier announced that its secretary-general Khalid Ibrahim will be named chief minister. In Selangor, DAP has taken 35 seats (DAP - 15, PKR - 11 and PAS - 9) out of the 56 seats in the state.Meanwhile, the opposition is also doing very well in Perak but it is still not clear how many of the 59 state seats it has won. The opposition has so far won Penang, Kedah, Selangor and Kelantan. "

and Ted turns....

29!

Each year my birthday celebration seems to get better and better :)

Thanks a bunch to all those who actually remembered, who remembered AND reminded everybody else, and last but not least even those who forgot BUT somebody else reminded them. And those who have no idea until i not-so-subtly told them hehehehe. Oh gosh, how I cherish each and every one of you!

And this is how I celebrated-

Day 1 : 'Pretend-ignore' breakfast, sushi lunch, scallops-and-calamari dinner (and bitching session), doughnuts pre-election chill session
Day 2 : To-die-for burger lunch, lobster dinner
Day 3 : Lunch-with-nature, and all-paid-for clothes shopping session!!

I also blew a candle on two different cake (okay it was always just a slice) , got surprised by pretty roses and the news of a party plan, made to carry a gift bag with a little pink bear dangling from it in Gardens, received loving hugs, real cards and virtual too, and had the birthday song sang to me in so many versions with the well-wishes.

Oh why why why don't birthdays fall twice in a year??? Oops, but if that is the case, I'd turn 58 already by this time hahahaha. Ok tak jadilah, cancel.

I'm still missing two important persons though - my sister (who would only be back from 'voting holiday' in Kedah next Tuesday), and B (who had to cancel our burger lunch to visit her sick godson).

But all in all, I had a blast!

revelations

i have no idea THAT's what i'm going to find out today.
sort of like, an early birthday present. gosh. but it's quite apt lah.

i don't know what to think.

will always give everyone the benefit of the doubt, though. as always.

at first i feel quite stupid, but then again, i HAVE had thoughts along that line all these while.

so, it's not like i've been wrong all along about it.

this is another moment when i hate to be right, although maybe only partly.

i'm glad i already made the right decision on who i'll be spending my time with for the next two nights.

saikos, believe me when i tell you WHY i put you guys on my priority list, hehe.