open sesame

aiyark!!

just realized that i've missed lots of film screening invitations by neglecting my yahoo email account. rugi rugi rugi!!

hoi penat

gile dah lama tak pegi panjat gunung. hoih, serius penat. berpeluh2 satu badan. ternyata saluran perpeluhan saya masih berfungsi dengan baik sekali.

tapi ok la. stamina not too bad. nasib baik kat sabah last week telah membuat snap decision dgn Rose untuk pegi gym kat hotel sejam sebelum our 3rd seafood makan session for the trip.

i've almost forgotten how much i enjoy hiking, the state of oneness with nature, the cool breeze wafting and the freshness of the mountain air, the strenous heaving oneself up the more difficult parts, the balancing so as not to fall down rolling between the trees, the art of finding the most suitable spot for the next step, the satisfaction upon reaching the summit. all that, and more.

it felt so good.

benda2 macam ni, memang la boleh pegi sendiri. but the thing is, aku suka ada geng. takde geng yang ajak, takde la pegi. tak best takde geng ni okeys. lagipun kalau part2 yang kaki aku tak berapa sampai masa nak turun, cemana? takkan nak terjun?

bak kata kai lan "aiya belum kawin lagi woooooo" (when i told her why somebody else needs to be exposed to the department's budgeting as well - 'kalau esok i mati eksiden kereta, cemana?')

oh yeah, on that. gm agreed to have others to be involved with the dept budgeting. yeay! sepantas kilat surat-surat perlantikan dikeluarkan seadanya... siap ada pegawai hal-ehwal office equipment hehe. ala come on la kan...balik2 tengok muka aku...padahal aku bukan pegawai admin okeys. jadi kita kongsi sama-sama tugas2 berkaitan untuk kepentingan ramai.

of losing still

Yesterday, it crossed my mind...should you not make it for whatever reason. Or should anything happen. Even though it was just a figment in my imagination, I found myself crying. Badly.

I suddenly fully realize that your demise may be an event I'll have to face. Unless, of course, my time came first.

Should I lose you tomorrow, the last words said were on a happy note. And that I think we've treated each other well enough.


I try to leave at any point of time, on a good note.

For whenever we part with anybody, you never really know for sure if there WILL be a next time.


You just never know.

to lose somebody

This is for my people who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man, or your lady
Put your hand way up high
We will never say bye (no, no, no)
Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my people who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky ‘cause we will never say bye

As a child there were them times
I didn’t get it but you kept me in line
I didn’t know why you didn’t show up sometimes
On sunday mornings and I missed you
But when we talked too
All them grown full things
Separation brings
You never let me know it
You never let it show because
You loved me and obviously
There’s so much more left to say
If you were with me today face to face

I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like
“I wish I could talk to you for awhile”
“I wish I could find a way try not to cry”
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I’ll give the whole world to see your face
And I’m bragging right next to you
It feels like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye

By-Bye By-bye By-bye

And you never got the chance to see how good I’ve done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together

I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the Teddy Bear you gave to me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
That you can make it through whatever
It’s so hard to accept the fact you’re gone forever

----------------------------------------------------------

Pak Ngah passed away in December last year.. Even till today I still think of him as if he's still around, of him sitting there watching TV by his favorite spot, of him playing with Hazique, of him teasing us all when we were children. Am so glad we celebrated Raya last year in Ipoh, at that point which none of us would've thought it was going to be his last.

We made an impromptu road trip to Ipoh when we were informed he was admitted to the hospital. It was an easy decision to make, for us cousins to take the day off from our work that Friday to visit Pak Ngah.

When the phone rang at 5.50am that morning with Mak Teh's name, I just knew.

I took part during the mandi jenazah in preparation for the burial. No words can fully describe how it felt like, and the emotions that went surging through as I pour the water along his body under the white cloth.

Death as part of the circle of life...the imminent certainty for everybody. At which all that has happened, all that has been said and done, all the happiness and heartbreak, all the successes and failures, all the worldly trimmings comes to a closure... and all that is left are memories kept by the living, while the departed faces the final curtain - and on towards the beginning of afterlife.

Alfatihah to Pak Ngah...semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat.