yet another new beginning

Formally received the good news today at work...alhamdulillah.

Just did some 'digging' and realized that it's EXACTLY one year (to the day!) of my first day starting duty at the current office, ain't that such a nice coincidence?

Truthfully, I did have some doubts when I was first informed of moving here. Which was to be expected due to leaving one's comfort zone for uncharted waters, what more in my position where I've been more or less quite out of the loop of things due to my previous postings and line of work. Lots of things in my mind that time, but as always I will gamely take on when faced with new options, especially those that promises bigger and better things at the helm. Hey, who wouldn't?

I'll have to admit apart from the initial minor hiccup, things have been going quite smoothly and in fact I daresay much better than expected. Which I owe a lot of to the people around here, as well as others in my life.

Work, studies, home, family, friends - makes the schedule of a Ted so, so full and exciting.
Some days more than the other. Some people more than the rest. Heeee. Just the way I like it.

That's how it's been for the last 365 days.

Moving onwards.

lucidity check

I dreamt that it was freezing. Perhaps it was winter. Bundled in a heavy jacket, I was still so cold and he offered to warm me up. He assured me that he meant well and took my icy hands in his.

Later I headed to a play, which turned out to be canceled under really absurd circumstances.


Manifestation of daytime thoughts can be quite amusing.

short blues song

I said that I wish to just be a 'hati batu'.

AM told me, that a heart wants what a heart wants.

Haish. This period of the blues must be over soon, soon!

Hati yang tercalar, baiklah segera.

========================

Ok. Reasons for joy.

Boss told me that they're scheduling the interview for next week. Although I'm still waiting for the HR calling letter, am already nervous and in anticipation of the possibilities (amin....). This is one window of opportunity that I don't want to miss, big time!

Puasa month is coming in a few days. As usual, ditto another weight-watching resolution so the baju-baju raya will fit better, and make for better raya pictures, heee. Shopping plans (yg berhemah) ahead, ahoy! Solat terawih every night at the surau shall be a must.

Our theme color for this year baju raya - hijau pucuk pisang. Mamita's pick.

Oh, lovely cheeky nephews Aqif+Amin will be staying with us for the weekend. Bersedialah semua untuk menonton channel kartun sepanjang hujung minggu ;p

di bumi nyata

1.

awak, sampai hati buat saya begitu.

oh, memang. salah saya sebenarnya kerana menyangkakan yang terbaik.

di bumi nyata ini, saya seharusnya berhenti di simpang itu.


2.

this too, shall pass.

i move forward, licking the banoffee pie stickiness off my fingers.


3.

despite my dengue episode, i passed! reason to celebrate.

of light, or none

as much as i'm the uber-idealist and forever focusing on the silver lining in every cloud, sometimes, just sometimes, i could lose hope too.

nothing in particular, as my memory is short.

the road less travelled

if you ask me, yes, actually, i do feel tired sometimes.

but it's of the good kind.

i just learn to not dwell too much on the fact that my weekends are now few and rare in between work/family/classes. all those social outings have taken a backseat. and i make the best out of whatever free days i actually have, which has decreased considerably in number. even public holidays are no guarantee that i wouldn't be in a classroom at sunway by 9am, being lectured on ethic codes, accounting treatments and whatnots or cramming for the next test/exam.

it's alright. it's all for a good cause.

heh, siapa suruh gatal apply for ICAEW?

takde sapa-sapa. saja suka!

ouch

bla bla bla yak yak yak. see.


and still, almost every time, i just hurt myself a bit every time.

i know i shouldn't, and yet like a moth to flame, i threw myself at the very thing that i know will only make me bleed.

for every action, there's a reaction.

i shall stand as long as i can and reach as far as i'm able to.


i suspect i'm a closet that too.
ah, pain.

be still.

the choice is there, all mine to make.

my willpower is weak.

Daremo Shiranai

Dear Kak Min,

I watched Daremo Shiranai again yesterday. And the day I saw it for the first time at LB came to mind. You expected me to cry, and I did buckets!

You had always expected my tears :)

You said, "Those tears come from God".

You were the only person who treat my tears and the fact that when I cry they run into rivers as something not to be ashamed of, and in fact, you made it as if it's a trait to be appreciated.

No, I haven't cried much this year. Not these days. No one suggested good movies to cry at lately, hehe.

Other than at movies? Nah, not there too. Life's good. Nothing that needs to be bawled about.

If you're here, I'd tell you what's new over nasi lemak ayam and Krispy Kreme donuts. But you're not.

Anyways.

There's always prayers to be said, kan.

* Hugs hugs hugs *

oh

Today, what you did, kind of hurt a bit.

What a fool I was to think that there's more to it than the surface.
Today's incident seals the deal on what I've suspected.
So...it's still just not much more than the surface, I suppose.


I really want you to be happy, you know? I thought you already are.
Or maybe you HAD to do what you did simply because doing otherwise would hurt YOU.


Oh well. I shan't let this pull things down anyways.

wonderful life

I wrote in my facebook today : love, is a wonderful experience.

It is.

To have loved, and be loved in return, is the greatest thing you'll ever learn. Haha. From Moulin Rouge (just love that movie, never thought Ewan McGregor could actually sing).

Agreed. Kan, kan.

--------------

The new year has been rather eventful, although it's only mid-February.

Trips that someone made.
Trips that I'll be making.
A fresh start - enrolling to school again after all those years.
Getting into the groove at the new workplace.
Coming to terms with being mundane.
Charting the next course of things for the rest.

And I did away with several credit cards, some of which I barely use anyway (oh it was so satisfying cutting them into little pieces!).

------------

I'm starting to forget how it used to be.
And so I am wary to err.
Coz my heart has been torn to pieces, smashed and burnt.
I gathered the ashes, of which are mixed with clay that I found along the way, and molded it into the shape I best thought it used to be.

Doesn't it look like a brick now?

March forward, brick!