keretapi fikiran

1. sheltered

Sheltered and protected from the big, bad world.
From all the wolves in the woods, the dark of the night and the monsters under the bed.

Here's a line from an old-time commercial - "I don't wanna grow up...I'm a Toys-R-Us kid"

I think I can grow up a bit more.


2. Qs

/start rant

• why?
  

so be it. i'll try my best to not question anymore. we don't need more rhetorical, unanswerable Qs here. take it or leave it - my choice. i'll take it. as long as it's on the menu. like i always say - "i'm game!".

here's a line from the movie 'stuck on you' - "why deny deny deny? embrace!!"

/end rant


3. among the giants

there i was, alone among the gentlemen. one of them my own father. the others, most i've called 'uncle' ever since, but now a couple are relegated to first-name basis at times. the dato' chairman asked me to take the floor. having them listen to me and my ideas, it was the first time in many years that i really felt like an equal in that particular situation. i stated the case. they listened. points debated, and we came to an agreement. a conclusion. more work after this.

it was nice having them giving me an honest pat on the back. made the effort really worthwhile.

here's a line from the movie 'night at the museum' - "some people are born great. others have greatness thrust upon them"

this is how these things happen, i suppose. along the course of my life, i'm more that type - the type that somehow get things thrust upon them rather than being the ones that chart and track new courses on their own. but does that mean what i do is less worthy in comparison? no! i don't think so!


4. the new candidate

yeah i've known that she's involved in politics, but just like that lah, so it still it amuses me a bit to look at that smiling face staring from the saturday newspaper, featuring the full-page interview about her nomination as the party's constituency candidate.

because the first time we met some months ago, we talked about harry potter and the cartoons that her 4-yr-old daughter loves, and the fact that she's been on diet. and whenever she was spoken about by her brother, it was often with candid remarks as a much beloved manja little sister.

anyways, are we all ready for the coming elections yet?

here's a line from that RTM song - "Marilah mari..kita mengundi.. jangan lupa kewajipan.. pada negara!"

the reason

That gesture. To have exactly THAT.

..would be the main reason for me to want to get married one day.

kata nasihat / mort plans

I heart you ols for ur nasihats. Like tiger balm, ok.



[Above pix only serves to make this post seems longer than it actually is]

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I think last night I may have freaked out Biah a bit by telling her how I would break the news to our big boss IF I got a terminal illness and there's only, say, 6-8 months for me to live. And I was contemplating whether that would be enough time for me to settle everything at the office so it wouldn't be too much trouble for whomever that's going to take my place (think so) . Also whether my existing financial commitments would be a burden later to the family (nope, all will be taken care of).

"Everybody's gonna die one day. It's a fact. I'm just being practical"
"Yeah, but people don't go around planning how to break the news to their boss like that!"
"It's just a what-if la. At least I'll be prepared IF it does happen like that"
"I hate what-if situations"
"You're gonna be so freaked out kan if I die tomorrow"
"Heck I'm freaked out already"
"Ala, like I said, I'm just being practical about it"
"You definitely need a new life"

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I love long conversations. Period.

run, Ted, run

Last week did at least 2km for several sessions. Jacked the old ticker rate up to a racing 171/minute. Boy, that felt good. Compensating for having been careening off the course lately with the Diet, courtesy of those mamak breakfast sessions and Chili's/TGIF/Rahsia lunches and dinners.

------------------

I used to run a lot. Physically, that is. Competing, even. Love the rush of adrenaline. The building of momentum, of getting in the pace, from start to finish. The do-or-die moments when the end is near. The giddy euphoria of reaching the red tape at the finishing line.

Run, and run, and run.
My timing mantra : "1,2, buckle my shoe" rhyme.
Left-right, left-right.
Rubber soles pounding on the ground. Stadium track. Tar. Concrete slabs. Grass. Treadmill.

Occasionally I still do it these days. But very, very much less and only as a once-in-a-blue-moon session except last week. Competing? Sorry beb. Very the busy-bee. An hour on the treadmill is considered a luxury already.

In a previous life (like during the Paleolithic era) I finished a KL Towerthon in 26 minutes and 29 seconds. Came out a surprised champion in the school cross-country competition. Snagged gold for 1,500m and 800m track events. Held the starting baton for our 4x100m team. Took on the challenge of the local half-marathon.

Gosh, I want to be able to run like that again.

Spiked shoes!!

clueless and barriers

It's ok for me when it's Biah, who has known me for quite some time now and to whom I've opened up to unashamedly, with whom I've shared a lot and had shared back with me no less, who had re-discovered our long-lost (haha so drama) friendship back during #ujiminda craze in MiRC, whom I've let in to see me in some of my despair moments and witnessed my outbursts, had seen me cry and push people away, had laughed with me silly and hard over the smallest things - when she's able to read me like an open book and tell me things about me that is so right and so true and I've known it all along but would never say out loud, it's still okay with me, coz it's Biah, and she knows, she does know a lot, she's been there, she's been with me, and it's okay that she knows. I'm damn glad she knows, and damn good of her to tell me like it is.

BUT.

When it's someone who has just barely gotten to know certain sides of me, someone who I've only known in passing all these while before, and to whom I've barely even opened up to save mostly for our banters of fun and good times and laughs - when he suddenly blurted out last night at point-blank range just ONE thing about me, with the resonant so right and so true and with such ease in his words, after which I failed miserably in trying to say he's wrong. For he wasn't. And he looked so smug there, in saying it like it is and telling me as if he knows it so well too.

It unsettles me. To be read like an open book like that. And the thing is I don't think he even realized doing it.

Now I know why is there all those barriers around me all these while. Why I put them there in the first place. Why it'll be there still. Regardless of the fact that I know now some people might still see through them, though I haven't the slightest clue how.

Like, freaky gila.